Sunday, July 30, 2017

In Reply

To:  Mr Gan Yao
Re:  Vacancy for a ‘Hare’ August 12th 2017

Thank you for your application to fill this position and my apologies for not answering you sooner. I only just realised you were addressing me by my pseudonym while I was checking my (fake) passport. As claimed by our foreign correspondent, reporting from Blighty, it appears you are both over and under qualified, but he was unable to substantiate your reported claims of academic excellence due to all records having been destroyed in a mysterious fire. However due to the fact that our haring department is so desperate for people to fill this vacancy, in fact they would have virtually taken anyone, we will favourably consider your application. We will conveniently gloss over your shortcomings in the experiences department.
We do have some concerns however, in that,
a)      Are we expected to actually follow the trail we anticipate you will lay with shreddy, or do we just blunder through the undergrowth until we somehow miraculously stumble upon a supply of beer, or the runsite, whichever appears first?
b)     You say you have set runs from Jakarta (Indonesia – thanks for clarifying) through Singapore and Malaysia to….? Does this mean we can expect a run which will take us all over Thailand before returning us to the bosom of the said beer supply?
We will forgo the interview as we have found previously in our organisation that they tended to be a complete waste as of time as nearly everything that is said is generally a complete load of bollocks.

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