Friday, August 28, 2009

Faarkin' pussy

Dja' wanna see some really wild pussy faarkin'?

No words just pictures.


You'll have to scroll down a bit,

'cos it's not the sort of thing we want to have on the top of our nice family blog;

some people might get the wrong impression.


Here goes:

Brought to you courtesy of Trust Me. The monastic life obviously suits him!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Disorder on the border

SH3 has received an invitation from Sadao H3 to join them for a joint run in Dannok on 5 Sept. So we thought we'd put it to you. Do we like this idea? Is this our idea of fun? Are these really the kind of people we want to spend time with? And why does that guy have green hair?

We'll talk about it in the circle on Saturday. You have been warned.

NEWS FLASH! Get yer Sadao H3 info at their new website.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Two for the length of one!

Here’s this week’s run information straight from the horse’s mouth, if you like that sort of thing:

SH3 Run #1472, Saturday August 29th, 2009; 4:30 p.m.

Hares: Egghead (Live!) and Only a Yolk (Still warm!)

Misdirections: From the Kao Saeng Intersection take the old Yala road for 14k and turn left for 2.5k then turn right and follow the track for about 200m to the run site. This will be a live-hare run which OaY will sweep as we have guests this week from Batu H3 in KL, and we don’t want to let them escape!

Sunday’s HH3 run (# 452, Sunday August 30th) will be a joint run with Union Hash and the Batu guys should also be joining us as well. This will be a zombie hare run, i.e. the livish bit will get both a time and distance start to ensure that the hare gets home in front! Hares are Kai Jeow (just about warm) and Moo Sahb (rigor mortis already set in).

Misdirections from Songkhla are: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4k (Kuan Hin traffic lights) and turn left for 6.5k to the run site on the right.

Hot Tip!
If you are coming fromh Hatyai, both runs can be accessed by the same route: From the Nam Noi traffic lights on the old road, turn right and go for about 13k then bear left at the big tree and go for another 2k to a cross roads which will be marked with a hash sign on both days.
For Saturday's SH3 run, turn right and go 1.3k then cross the old Yala road and go another 2.5k, then turn right up the track to the run site
On Sunday for the HH3 run, at the crossroads turn left and go 2.7k to the run site on the left.

AND... Good news for the energetically economical:
The hares are confidently predicting that the total length of both this weekend's runs will fall well within the compass of last week's HH3 monster!
On! On!


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

From the archives: Tired & emotional on Koh Maak

The Rottenator requests photos right up at the top of the page, where he can see them without having to scroll down. We oblige with Eightball and After Ours in an intimate moment during our outstation run on Koh Maak, June 2007.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Did I say that?

I must be getting old... Let me rephrase that: I am getting old, and it must be affecting my hearing. Actually the weekend just past seems to have provided abundant evidence of this growing infirmity. To begin with there was my complete failure to hear Beavershot ask: "Which is the southernmost capital city of a country holding a seat at the United Nations and practising a form of self government recognised as self determining as opposed to a self governing overseas territory retaining its links with its former colonial power in order that it will not be overrun again by the dagos next door?" on Friday night, which added to Stick Insect's erronious belief that his liver is smaller than his brain, (well actually there might be good grounds for that belief bearing in mind the amount of deterioration in his liver due to alcohol abuse over the course of the last 40 odd years)saw the hitherto invincible Hash-quiz team defeated at the hands of... I'm not sure who; I never did work that one out but I am lead to believe that Haggishagger and Pubic Beard may have been involved.
Anyway, I diverge. Growing evidence of my incipient selective deafness is also to be found in my complete failure to have heard Knob Gobbling in his Off T livery announcing that yesterday's HH3 run was a monsterous 14k long and would involve at about the 8k mark, a descent down the side of a hill which owed more to sado-masochism than hashing and that thereafter the remaining 5k or so would be run in a straight line dictated by the GPS irrespective of what kind of terrain that straight line passed through. Had I heard his warning I might have done what he did, which was to short cut round the hill, or more likely I would have wandered off into the wilderness as did Gan Yao in the company of Only a Yolk who has seemed strangely elated since the misadventure.
But I am horrifed to realise that not only is my selective hearing loss affecting my ability to hear what other people say, but it is also apparently interfering with my ability to monitor my own verbal output. I refer of course to his Unassailable Rectitudeness the G.M.'s piece below, which were it not for the fact that I am without doubt suffering from a long term mental defect, I would have to regard as a scurrulous and wilful misrepresentation of the truth.
The basic outline of events is not in dispute. A sham election was conducted at which I, together with the equally unwilling Gan Yao were presented as candidates to the already depleted attendees, on the grounds that only Brits were eligible for the position, albeit that both of us had clearly indicated that we did not wish to stand for election. There was a slightly louder groan at my name that at that of Gan Yao which Beavershot sought to portray as a mandate for foisting me on the Hash in the position of Butler. As I recall, I protested that "I was already doing enough at the Hash" which I suppose at a shove might be construed as indicating that I considered myself too busy to serve, rather than as was intended indicating that I thought that the tiny circle of, dare I say it "cronies", who are involved in running the Hash could probably do with being extended slightly rather than just handing out another job to one of the existing committee members. But hey ho, I probably didn't make myself clear. I do also admit to the slight aimed at Canada which I unreservedly withdraw, since like New Zealand and dare I say it, the Falkland Islands, Canada has happily slipped off the colonial yoke and is making a creditable go of things itself which is more than can be said for the former motherland to which I find myself chained which is making a complete er.. hash of things (no pun intended).
But it is not to these minor misunderstandings that I aver in my fear that my aural faculties have deteriorated to the point where medical attention may be of no avail and it might perhaps be better to be allowed to expire peacefully in the confines of a carefully soundproofed padded cell. I am referring to the upstart G.M.'s inexcusable suggestion that I said "fookin'".
There are some things a man cannot ignore and being portrayed as speaking like a common oik are I have to say beyond the pale. The crime is even more serious when one bears in mind that in his saner moments the Beaver actually graduated as a linguist and should therefore be aware of the importance of understanding and respecting the niceties of regional dialectical variations and also the socal stigma that attaches to the mispronounciation of expletives.
Do I really talk like a Geordie? or worse, a Scouser? I think not! I think that if the G.M. cares to cast his mind back to the charged emotional atmosphere of the post-election analysis he will find that what I actually said is "'ere's your FAARKIN' beer" as befits my status as a son born of the city at the center of the universe (which sadly no longer holds the sway it did in far-flung places like Stanley, and Ottawa).
But I may be wrong - I usually am, or so Only a Yolk tells me, and she should know. Perhaps I should should seek the assistance of those around me, and the next time I begin gabbling in tongues maybe they could just hit me over the head with a large blunt object; like a blog, whatever that may be!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Carry on, Jeeves

Egghead blots his copybook and R2D2 slips into his white gloves

OK, here is how it's done in Hatyai. The GM doesn't have to hold his own clipboard. He doesn't even hold his own pen. And you think he has to go get his own beers like the common rabble? In Hatyai the GM is the object of deference and veneration. The Thais understand these things.

Noticing this discrepancy, the SH3 Religious Advis0r last week suggested a remedy: the appointment of a Hash Butler as a kind of living symbol of the respect due to our GM. And so the matter was put to a vote yesterday. The contest was naturally limited to Egghead and Gan Yao, the only two Englishmen present.

Perhaps because of the difficulty of picturing Gan Yao dressed in a striped waistcoat, Egghead was erected in a landslide. That's when things went wrong. He couldn't do it, he said, he was "too busy". Imagine Jeeves telling Bertie Wooster, "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm simply too busy to draw your bath." When he was finally persuaded to fetch the GM a refreshing beverage, he slunk off and returned with a can of Chang, saying, "Here's yer fookin' beer." Now while I am that rare underprivileged American who grew up without an English manservant, even I know that's no way for one to speak.

Fortunately the story has a happy ending. By day's end Egghead had been fired, replaced by R2D2, the popular absentee choice for the position. He brings to this post his customary grace, charm, and good grooming. And while not English, he is from Canada, which, as Egghead tactlessly pointed out in front of one of the Canadians present yesterday, "is still practically one of our fookin' colonies."

Saturday, August 22, 2009

TOS sells out

You've probably noticed the elite group of businesses who have now joined us as advertisers on The Online Scum. And the results? Last night the Lost Deros Bar doubled its usual clientele. The Bonnie Bar (OK, so they even know about their ad yet) was absolutely rocking. Indeed, every advertiser we've ever had reports spectacular results from even the smallest ad on these pages.

Sounds good, you're thinking, but advertising on a high-profile site like this one must be beyond my budget, right? Not at all! Rates start as low as one beer per month, including our award-winning graphic design of your very own ad. Come on, live the dream! Advertise on TOS!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Time for a change!

Egghead reviews run #1470 and detects the seeds of decline
The statistics from last weekend’s Stick Insect/Pak Ma run make it obvious that SH3 has some serious attendance problems which if not remedied quickly will undoubtedly result in the demise of the Hash within the next century or so. Only 5 years ago, SH3 was turning out an average of 44.356 hounds and 2.146 hares every week and based on Saturday’s attendance of 42 hounds and 2 hares, has therefore lost 2.356 hounds and 0.146 of a hare in that time. Crudely, this means that assuming a constant absolute loss of hounds over time, SH3 will cease to exist in 89 years and 7 week’s time, or more worryingly based on the deterioration in the gross hare average per week, there will be no hares to set runs beyond February 2078, so that the final 21 years of existence of the hash would consist of the hounds running round in ever decreasing circles in pursuit of non-existent hares.
I think that the causes of this situation are apparent from what happened on Saturday and that we must adapt what we are doing to try to attract back the missing 2.356 hounds. Firstly, I am indebted to His Excellency the GM for publishing the quite shocking aerial representation of Saturday’s run, which reveals that just under half of it was on a road. This is clearly not going to be attractive to the majority of right thinking people who based on my observations, spend far more than half of their waking hours on or immediately adjacent to roads and are unlikely therefore to be attracted to a run which takes them off of the road for more than half of its course.
The second problem obvious from the aerial plan of the run is that for a good deal of its route, it is actually headed away from the point to which it is aimed and that even when it begins to bend in the direction of the run site, it then wastefully proceeds past it instead of heading straight to it, as any sensible person would expect it to do. Clearly the underlying concept of our runs is responsible for a large part of the fall off in attendance we have suffered and I would suggest that to attract back the missing 2.356 hounds we should instruct what is left of our hares that future runs should consist of a short excursion on a road which is aimed precisely at the point to which it is intended to finish the run, viz the beer. For those people who persist in the fallacy that excessive exertion is going to provide them with some health benefit, I would suggest that we should chain them to a lamp-post by one ankle and provide them with a blindfold so that they can repeat the run as many times as they wish while maintaining the impression that they are not simply walking round in circles. Perhaps we could even set aside a small area where they can pursue their anti-social activities without upsetting the other more normal hashers.
Another problem which is obvious from Saturday’s debacle is that the location of the run was clearly not attractive to the missing 2.356 hounds (a hypothesis which is indisputably established by the fact that they did not come to the run). Again, it is not hard to see why this is. In order to reach the run site, the hardy individuals who did attend had to drive for a distance of at least 15 kilometers from central Songkhla, and during the course of this difficult and arduous trek had to make two sharp turns, one in rightwards direction, the other in exactly the opposite direction, to wit, left. Now I need hardly dwell upon the stress inducing nature of such behavior, not to mention the wear and tear exerted on the cars used for the purpose, nor on the unnecessary waste of fuel that this involved. To make matters worse, the location was completely different from the location of the run the previous week, and this week, I am horrified to see, involves yet another novel location. It is also worth pointing out that many of the people who were at Saturday’s run drove to within 2 kilometers of the run site again on Sunday in order to repeat the whole wasteful performance. To what end I ask?
A further unfortunate aspect of the location of the run was that it took place outside in the open air. Now I am no expert in matters of public health, but I think it is well-known that being outside in the fresh air is associated with a number of serious and life-threatening illnesses, notably skin cancer, lassa fever, bronchial pneumonia and colonic irrigation. It is also worth bearing in mind that in these troubled times of the H1N1 virus, when chikungunya, malaria and dengue mosquitos are threatening to bring civilization to it’s knees, all these little beasties are air-borne and that we are undoubtedly placing ourselves at great risk by standing out in the open-air where any one of these diseases and many more besides could attack us at any moment.
Additionally, I think there are a number of features of what we do while we are at the hash which are leading to the missing 2.356 hounds having fallen by the wayside. Firstly, I think it is worth pointing out that while women and children are a necessary and indeed at times (albeit rare) pleasurable aspect of existence, their demeanor while at last week’s run was such as to raise doubts about the propriety of allowing them the degree of liberty of behavior that was demonstrated on Saturday. I was for instance quite shocked to observe that none of the children had been given roses to sell and at no time was I approached with the customary cheery greeting of “ Hey Falang, gimme 10 Baht!”, making me wonder whether the parents of these urchins are actually mindful of their economic well-being. As to the women at the run, let me make it clear that I fully support the right of women to take part in social gatherings of this nature, within reason, and providing their behavior is in accord with their natural role in society which is, not to put to finer point on it to be… well… pussy. I think I speak for all right minded people (i.e. men) when I say that the sight of women cavorting in body covering clothing indulging in private conversations and obviously enjoying themselves without the intervention of men is quite distasteful and that I was particularly appalled that at no time during the entire afternoon did any woman remove her T shirt nor attempt to give me a massage. Clearly if we are to attract back our lost 2.356 lambs we must ensure that these aspects of normal sexual etiquette are attended to.
Finally, I am in complete agreement with the Hash Whip, Herr Uberoldenfarten Knackerwurst, that the recent outbursts of verbal insults and name-calling have done nothing to encourage our less regular members to make their attendances a little more frequent. In fact I believe that the whole business of calling ourself a “hash” has got to stop as has the reference to “runs”. The words have unpleasant connotations and to many people suggest fit people in skimpy sports attire sweating and getting dirty in unpleasant jungle surroundings. In fact, I suspect that few people outside of our immediate circle any longer associate the term with what we should actually be concentrating on, i.e. drinking beer. I would suggest that if we were to stop referring to ourselves as a “hash” and to our gatherings as “runs”, this might provide a positive incentive to our lost 2.356 hounds to rejoin our ranks.
Therefore, to summarize, I think that in future we should hold our gatherings in a more convenient regular location in the center of Songkhla and that they should be conducted for the most part indoors with any actual physical activity being restricted to necessary transfers between bars, and trips to the toilet, pool table, short-time room etc. Any movements outside in the unhealthy air should be confined to roads, if possible in cars. Women should be encouraged to adopt a more appropriate role consistent with their natural talents and any pretence of fitness or eternal youth should give way to a more healthy decline into age-related complaints such as drunkenness and depravity. In fact if this approach were adopted more generally I believe that the organization formerly known as the hash could take on a new role as the leading social organ of Songkhla with a wider membership encompassing the halt and the lame, the obese and unhealthy, the drunk and debauched, and a wide spectrum of opinions ranging from the Songkhla Nazi tendency to the BBMLF*. The whole ethos of exclusivity which has grown up around the Hash could be wiped away in one sweeping gesture of political correctitude and the distinctions which have resulted in the disastrous loss of 2.356 members could at a stroke be made a thing of the past.
Of course there will be those who will resist such a move, but in keeping with their inalienable human right to be foul anti-social disease-ridden smelly do-gooding outcasts if they like that sort of thing, they could go off somewhere well away from the confines of the amazing healthy city of Songkhla and skulk together in some god-forsaken field and run round in the jungle getting all dirty and sweaty, just so long as they don’t do it near us! They could even give themselves a name if they wanted, something like the United Reformed Hashers for Jesus, or just the hash for short. Then they could all stand around and complain that it used to be better in the good old days and become bitter and twisted about the fact that they could be having more fun in a bar somewhere.
So let’s have no more of this nonsense; if we want our 2.356 hashers back, it’s time for a change! (Oh yes and nice run, Cat, shame about the road, but you’ll just have to get Sticky under control next time. I suggest a good strong collar and a short chain!)

On! On!


*BBMLF: Bonnie Bar Mammary Liberation Front

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Run 1471, 22 Aug 2009

Hares: Sex Sprinter & Buk Toy (?)

Misdirections: From Koh Yoh intersection take the Old Hatyai Road 9km. Runsite is on right in the quarry where the gas station used to be.

(click on image to expand it)

From the archives: The king & his bitch

All hail the King and Queen of Flab!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Dwindling (& Aging) menbership

Part of our membership problem is that our runs are TOO long. We've self selected a group of people who think 70 or 80 minutes is an OK Run
10 years ago (when we were ten years younger) the runs were 45 minutes, +/- 10 minutes.
Now, as it's going to be difficult to get the old farts to give up their "extreme" sports, we're going to have to make sure there is always a good short run (not too short). The way the thai guys have been doing it. Where the short run is set by a different hare, not just a short cut off the long run, is probably the best way of ensuring this.
As for attracting new members ... it seems that hashing is just not that interesting for the younger generation (s)
However : even my kids find the Full Moon Hashes interesting and exciting. Maybe we should promote the night runs a bit more.

PS (pre-emptive): Rotten! yeah i know I didn't set a short run last time.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The art of the hare: Run 1470

From the thrilling ascent through native bush to the heart-pounding finale down Route 408, this was Stick Insect at his finest. Give us more! We can take it!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Bonjour mes TOSsers!

Hi Rabble, your GM here with a few bits and bytes of e-bollocks.

First, our thanks to Phrik Farang for updating the SH3 website, including a cool link to The Online Scum. Whatever we do with this new blog, the main site will probably remain the best place for archiving rehashes, photos, stats and so on.

And what do we do with this one? For a start, I’d like to suggest that hares post their misdirections here. It’s as easy as writing on the whiteboard at the Parlang. Easier in fact, since you don’t have to go looking for eraser and pen, or even drive into town. Once your misdirections are up here, we’ll make sure they get put up on the main site as well.

Apart from that, well, anything you want. Old or new photos, mini-rehashes, invites from other hashes, and links to any other news and events of interest. I’ve been trying to get a lot of postings up right away to give you an idea of the various directions we can go with this.

One comment to a post here talked about the possibility that TOS would “suffer the same fate” as the hard-copy Scum. Well I hope it does. I.e., enjoy a good long run and deliver lots of laughs. Nothing lasts forever, so let’s have a bit of fun while it does.

As far as the current state of SH3 in general, I think our main concern now has to be to get back to basics: 1) assuring a decent turnout every Saturday, and 2) giving them a satisfying run/walk, a good feed, and a not totally boring circle. One is no good without the other. Ironically our runs (and our food) are better than ever these days, even as our numbers continue to fall off.

A lot of it is just natural attrition. Songkhla isn’t exactly a boomtown these days. And the demographics are against us. The other day I mentioned to Opera that our attendance was going down and our average age was going up. “Everywhere,” he said, “every hash.” Hashing is a kind of generational thing, and its main generation – us – is entering serious geezerhood.

For years the committee has talked about ways to attract new runners. Frankly we have yet to find any effective way to do that. We’ll keep trying, but the most important thing in the meantime is to keep hold of the regular runners we do have. And maybe, if at all possible, to bring back some of those who have dropped out over the years for one reason or another.

To that end, I hope anybody with any concern or complaint, big or small, will feel free to air it, either publicly here or privately to me or any of the other committee members. Whether it’s about the runs or the brands of beer we stock, the shirts we give out or the way we run the circle – anything at all – let us know so we can do something about it. After I become power-mad in another few months it might be another story, but as of now I have absolutely no agenda here other than keeping as many people as possible satisfied with our Saturday afternoons, and keeping them coming back.

Finally, mark down October 24th on your calendars. It’s our 28th birthday and we think we’ve found a great mystery destination for an A-to-B run and party. On-on!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Good news for bad knees?

So now they're telling us that what our battered old knees really need is . . . more running?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Say something

This blog may get us out of our classic vicious circle (allright : negative feed back loop for the engineers)
No point in doing a rehash if the write up isn't going to get "published" soon. 3+ week old rehashes loss a certain amount of relevancy. (What, I don't remember that!)
And there's no point in the web-master/scum dude keeping up to date if no-one is writing anything.
How about mini-rehashes and general comments. (I still think Rotten's legs are too short ...and Eggheads run's are too long .... and if Beavershot is going to use a GPS (Gormless Parent Substitute) he should look at it while setting the run to cut out those interesting but pointless loops in the trail.

Run 1470, 15 Aug 2009

Runsite: At Koh Yoh intersection turn left on New Yala Road, go 5.2kms. Runsite at Chinese Temple on Left.

Hares: Paak Maa (navigator) & Stick Insect (Bone carrier)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Classic Scum covers: April 2006

Unless you were too young, too drunk, or not a member of the SH3 community in the early years of the current millennium, you will almost certainly remember The Scum, the off-and-on-again organ of Songkhla Hash House Harriers. And, of course, the inspiration for this website, which we can only hope will achieve a small fraction of the fame and glory of its hard-copy namesake.

While a full history of The Scum will have to await the efforts of Egghead, its founder and main publisher (hint, hint!), TOS would like to pay tribute to this seminal publication by occasionally featuring particularly notable covers from its history.

We kick off this series with this splendid full-color example from Songkran 2006, the 'Dungbeetle Goes on Holliday' edition. It appears to be the work of sometime Scum editor/publisher Conebrain (please correct us if we're wrong). Note especially the Receding Hareline, which was rather typical for the time.

Click to enlarge -- if you dare!

The missing thought

True story: Rotten Johnny called last night, convinced that he had once had a third thought other than the two usual ones. He couldn't remember it and neither could we. Can anyone help? He's says it's keeping him up at night.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Where the fukawi: 08/08/09

That's Saturday's run, #1469, "A Taste of Beaver". Click on the image (or any image on this site) to enlarge it.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

From the archives: Beerholder

Stick Insect demonstrates correct use of the German Beer Holder.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Welcome to the Online Scum

Welcome, Songkhla Hashers and guests, to The Online Scum, the not-quite-official SH3 e-journal.

We cordially invite you to post your own run misdirections, rehashes, compromising pictures, shocking personal revelations, character assasinations, etc.

If you haven't already received an email invitation to contribute to TOS, please contact GM Beavershot at or Registering takes only a moment, and you can then post any time you want, including text, photos, and even videos.