Monday, December 31, 2012

Praised by faint damnation

Variously judged to be anything between 9 and 11 kilometers, it was logged on the day as 7.8k, but Mapsource calls it at 8.2k, so let's compromise at 8k - as predicted about 1k longer than our usual runs (see Run #1645 below, and there were no false trails so what you see is what you got!). Also overestimated were the number of checks - 14 not 15, two of which should probably have been marked as F's, but what the hell let's do something DIFFERENT occasionally! Total ascent was a modest 266 meters considering that the highest point was 246 meters. The short run departed the long run just before check 8, followed the road down and was widely lauded, unlike the long run which was faintly damned by most who did it. There's no accounting for taste!

Party photos part II

Sunday, December 30, 2012

New Year party photos, part I

We begin with a few snaps of one of the evening's highlights, the tongue-twister challenge . . .

Friday, December 28, 2012

2012 Sex Act of the Year Award

As it is one of the shining journalistic principles of The Online Scum that a publication can never have too many pictures of dogs humping, we are delighted to announce that the 2012 Sex Act of the Year award this year goes to Mii the Dog and his bitch Pigloid.

Forensic evidence in the image file indicates that this dynamic coupling took place at 4:26 pm. on September 8th, i.e. just before the run from a scenic site beyond Wat Khao Kloi. Carried out in full view of the entire hash, it represented public vindication for Mii, who despite his well-endowed physique has had his masculinity called into question a number of times, most recently when he refused to descend through THE GORGE OF DEATH (brief rehash here). Pigloid meanwhile simply looked confused. She'd thought that the operation was supposed to put an end to this kind of thing.

The only other entry was the disgusting act by one of the rodents in the Softcock-Temporary stable that impregnated our once perfect innocent little Hash princess, Fufu. What a slut she's become.

Once again this year, there were no entries in the Human Division. Or at least not any that we can write about.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Fancy a party?

SH3 has graciously stepped aside and allowed its upstart daughter to take over the final Saturday of the year. Regulars at one, both or perhaps neither hashes should be paying 200 Baht for the run and party and any other benefits accruing. Guests as defined by whoever is in charge of these things may be asked to pay a  little more!
The runsite is about 11.5k along the old Hatyai road, on the right. In loco parental advisory note: The U turn at the precise point of the run site may be suicidal, bearing in mind that it is at the bottom of a hill on a blind corner, which many drivers insist on taking at speeds which cause special relativity to need to be taken into account in order to calculate their magnitude. The suggestion is to go past the run site towards the traffic lights at Ban Ko Mi and do the U turn beyond the black Buddha where you should be able to see traffic approaching from your rear. The run is reported to be an A-B-C with transport leaving the C site for the A and B sites at 4:00 p.m. sharp.
Unmotorised Songkhla Hashers should note that the beer truck will not service this run, so anyone needing a lift should append a comment to this post/reply to this e mail and will thereafter be picked up from Bai Meang at 3:00 p.m. However transport will only be organised if requested so don't leave it to chance!

Sunday will now be the day of SH3's last run of the year, and what a run it will be! Details are:
Songkha Hash House Harriers run #1647, Sunday, December 30th, 2012, 4:00 p.m.
Hares: Egghead and doggies
Misdirections: from the Kao Saeng intersection, take the old Yala road for 16k and turn right for 3.5k, then left just after the big tree. After 150 meters go straight ahead at the track intersection and follow the road/track for 800 meters to the run site on the football pitch behind Sai Kao village. The beer truck will service this run and will leave from Bai Meang at 3:00 p.m.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Too close for comfort

Here, somewhat tardily, is the track we should have, and largely did, follow last Saturday, albeit that at the point marked 005, the pack crossed from the out trail to the in trail and did the rest of the run backwards. This was not noticed until the point marked 014/015, by which time Kii Leum's acute sense of direction had kicked in with the effect noted by Beaver below ('Orrible. Just 'orrible!). But it really didn't matter as it just meant that what would have been a rather swift and slippery descent was turned into a rather slower but still slippery ascent, and the checks were rendered effectively meaningless. It was still a goodish run and with the gentler downhill route we got to stretch our legs both on the way out and on the way in.
For the record, the maximum height was around 230m, and had we followed the full track, the run would have been about 7k without the F's and X's, reduced to about 6k by the shortcut and reversal of direction. Let us save the hares' blushes and not publish the distance between the in and out trails at 005; suffice it to say that it was about 20% shorter than the much complained of proximity of the in and out trails on the previous week's HH3 run!

The 2012 Die Hard Award

The Online Scum is pleased to congratulate Sex Ao Ao a.k.a. Mongolian Fuckrat on the first of the several* glittering awards we are presenting this year. Fuckrat claims by a landslide our first-ever Die Hard Award for his ability to survive everything we've thrown at him and still come back and be completely in our faces and up our noses. I mean, we've try to lose him on the runs and humiliate him in the circles. We've physically assaulted him, as demonstrated here by Stick Insect. We even coaxed a poisonous snake to bite him, the result of which was the snake died and Fuckrat just kept on running (and running off at the mouth). Maybe we could bribe Yardstick to try to run him over in his truck, but with his luck he'd probably just take out one of Egghead's dogs.

For his prize, Fuckrat wins a one-way 3rd class train ticket to Narathiwat. 

* Well, at this point, actually only two. Stand by for the other. Or better, add one of your own!

Monday, December 24, 2012

I'm dreaming of a wet Christmas

Doing The Goons one better, Saturday hare Stick Insect had the hash not walking but running backwards for Christmas. This was thanks to the same problem that had upset him so much on Egghead's run the week before: in- and out-trails too close together. That time, though, Egghead was on hand to straighten things out. On Saturday the only person around was co-hare/bagman Kii Leum, who limited his role to expressions of surprise and dismay ("It's 'orrible! 'Orrible!"). Too bad, because some of the trails looked pretty nice, even in reverse. Of the runsite, a muddy mess next to the increasingly busy New Yala Road, the less said the better.

Sunday's run was advertised as a live-hare effort by Robocop, but he returned before we started, looking remarkably cheerful considering that it was hammering down rain. There are those who will say that this was the finest run of the year (especially when reporting it to Stick Insect, who hates hearing about the great runs he misses). Those people however would be clinically insane. The first three-quarters of it was a miserable up-and-down-and-up-and-down traverse of a single steep, wet, nasty hillside. Only the last 15 minutes offered a chance to stretch our legs, running home on the flat along the base of the hill. The runsite, on the even busier Old Hatyai Road, was perhaps marginally less muddy, though it's probably the wrong time to year to keep complaining about that. The circle carried on through a tempest of rain, apart from one eminent farang hasher who fled in his electric blue Vigo, and another and his gf who took refuge in their silver Nissan March. Wimps!

Friday, December 21, 2012

More change, less buffaloes

In a move described as having "nothing whatsoever to do with buffaloes" (Yeh, right), Sunday's HH3 runsite has been moved to the quarry before Nam Noi School formerly occupied by a gas station, in front of what will in the not too distant future be formerly described as a hill!
Distance from Ko Yo is about 9k and the runsite is on the right. The run site bears a dog advisory ranking as it is proximate to the main road and hares have been known to take the easy option on the way home!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Across the road...

Our intrepid hares report that the attempted clearance of the access to the proposed runsite was unsuccessful, so they have opted to cross the road to the run site on the right hand side of the new Yala road at 7.9k from the Ko Yo intersection. Dog owners please note: this Saturday's run will now involve two crossings of the NYR!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012


No! No! Not yet! The buffaloes are on Sunday!
Saturday is that welcome event, a Stick Insect run, with Kii Leum in the role of acolyte, which means he's going to carry the bag. Details, providing the sortie with cutting gear aimed at reopening the run site is successful, will be:
Songkhla Hash House Harriers run #1646, Saturday 22nd December 2012; 4:30 p.m.
Hares: Stick Insect and Kii Leum
Misdirections: From the Ko Yo intersection take the new Yala road for 7.5k and turn left, then immediately left into the run site.
Sunday's HH3 run is a live hare run to be set by Robocop. The run site is near the buffalo enclosure at Nam Noi:  Take the old Hatyai road for 10k to the Nam Noi traffic lights then turn right. Follow the road for about 500 meters and start looking for a sign on the left. Turn left and follow the road for about 1.5k to the run site on the edge of the swamp.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Kao Longed!

A slightly idealised version of this afternoon's long run which was mostly set by memory as the GPS was otherwise engaged. But the short run is, for that reason accurate. An interesting ascent up Kao Ron, which was not to everyone's taste, but it and the checks kept the pack together until Sex Sprinter and Kii Long wandered off at or after the final check. Total length was around 6k and the top was about 175 meters with the total ascent based on the recce, less than 300 meters.

Run #1645

Mostly it'll be remembered as a really wet one, though the rain had the decency to stop for a while both before and after the run. The stats are about as typical as it gets for SH3: exactly 7km total length, or 8km if you insisted on doing all six false trails. Total ascent around 300m with a high point of just 168m. First runners back in 1:06, a pretty brisk pace, probably helped by the bracingly cool weather. The run got good reviews, especially from Handjob, who managed to forage enough exotic plants to assure a supply of sup naw mai for the next run.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Cartographic abuse

Sunday's run site for the imaginative.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Beavertide already?

It's beginning to feel a lot like Beaver

What's soft, furry, fragrant, and wears sleigh bells? Your holiday Beaver, that's what! Come along Saturday for a festive run that will surprise, delight, and help spread comfort and joy. At least it will once the beer drinking starts.

Songkhla Hash Run #1645
4 pm., Saturday, 15 December, 2012
Hare: Beavershot
Misdirections: From the Ko Yo intersection take the Old Hatyai Road for 4.7km. Turn left and go 10.4km. Turn right and go 1.1km to the runsite at the end of the road.

Sunday's (16th December 2012, 4:00 p.m.) HH3 run, in contrast, will likely spread alarm and despondency, and the only thing that will be soft and furry will be Lucky and she definitely won't be fragrant! The hares, if they can sort out their personal differences about what sort of run it is going to be, are Moo Sahb and Kai Jeow with the possibility that Full Moon may be drafted in to make up the numbers if they don't! The run site is just short of the Sai Kow Resort on the left hand side coming from Bahn Ta Kham (From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7km and turn left for 6km, then left for 4.5km'ish, run site on the left). Hatyai sourced runners may approach Ta Kham either from Nam Noi or Poonakan; adventurous Songkhla departees will doubtless find their own way taking the big tree in on the way.

Finally, please note that it is absolutely and completely forbidden to comment about this post, so there!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Where the turkeys trotted, who the snake bit and, when does who run?

In an ideal world, a recce or two would have improved its artistic merit, and though done with the best of intentions, the duplication of the in and out trails could profitably have been avoided by doing what the short runners did and just walking up the track back to the runsite. But that said, this was another enormously successful remedy to our chronic shortage of hares, and both the long and short runners who all did the same six-and-a half kilometer trail had absolutely no complaints. For the record there were 5 hares, Kii Leum, who had difficulty with the math of adding one and one to get two, Buk Toy, Stick Insect, Beavershot and Sex Sprinter. There were nine 360's and one false trail, which successfully ensnared only Beavershot and the overall experience took about one hour 25 minutes for the pack, with the short run only a matter of 5 minutes or so behind the agile athletes, who shall remain nameless, who lead the pack home!

Sunday's HH3 run was a different kettle of fish entirely. With no GPS on hand to record the details, esimates of its overall length ranged from "more than 6k" to "at least 10k!", and in contrast with Saturday's completely flat run, Sunday's got up to well over 300m. Highlight of the afternoon was undoubtedly the poetic justice of hare, Mongolian Fuck Rat brushing accidentally against a snoozing viper which delivered a small and completely harmless dose of venom, necessitating a dash to the hospital for a shot just in case. As Stick Insect who knows about these things opined, vipers deliver a neuro-toxin and MFR is probably therefore immune anyway as he appears to lack both feelings and a brain! Sex Printer was on hand at the scene of the crime to dispatch the abused asp, which was duly carried back and decorated a post next to the runsite until one of the dogs ate it. Those with a memory for such things believe this to have been the first case of snake bite to have graced a hash in Songkhla province in more than 30 years of running.

Up coming later this month seems to be a slight conflict over who runs on Saturday. HH3 have decreed that 29th December will be the evening of their New Year's party which will cost all comers 200 Baht (100 Baht for kids and kanines) and wll be held at Buk Toy's swish new yard on the old Hatyai road, just up  from Ko Mii market, on the left from Hatyai, or on the right after the SME building from Songkhla. The hares already booked for the run are Buk Toy and Sex Sprinter. This of course beggars the question of how a Songkhla run will be followed by a Hatyai party, but the situation seems emminently soluable by swapping the SH3 and HH3 runs that weekend, allowing Sunday's hare, Kai Jeow to metamorphose into Egghead and to set Sunday's run for SH3 instead. Not sure who is in control of these matters at present, with the GM somewhere off shore of a cold-cold Scotland (or is he in  balmy Perth? We have no idea as he didn't leave a forwarding address!). But there really doesn't seem to be any point of standing on formality about who runs when, since we are really all one hash these days - or is that too radical a concept to punt through this medium? Comments please! (Or is that also a bit radical to ask for?)

Friday, December 7, 2012

HH3 this Sunday

... or in hashspeak:
From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left for 8k then right for about 5.5k to the run site on the left. Run starts at 4:00 p.m.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Turkey anyone?

...well to be precise, the second annual turkey trot this year, although the literalist tendency had its way last time and called it a "relay-hare" run. The result however was an excellent afternoon's entertainment as the short and long runners combined to participate in not just hounding but haring as well.
This weekend's repeat performance will be:

Songkhla Hash House Harriers run #1644, Saturday December 8th 2012, 4:00 p.m.
Misdirections: From the Ko Yo intersection take the new Yala road for 3.4k and turn right, then follow the track as it bends round to the right, for 400 meters to the run site in the rubber on the right.
Generally the format will be the same as last time:

  •  A lead-off hare will be selected by drawing lots. A bag of squared paper and the GPS programmed to show the way home will be provided to the hare. 
  • The first hare will depart at about 3:45 p.m. and will set 2 checks (360's). The first will be a regular check, but at the 2nd check, she/he will hide and wait to be discovered. 
  • The person doing the discovering will then take the bag of paper and the GPS and will get a 5 minute start, before the pack head off in pursuit. 
  • Each succeeding hare will do the same until  the final hare brings the pack home hopefully in about 5-6k and in a little less time than the 1hr 40 mins it took last time.

To that end the following refinements are suggested:

  • Only those willing and realistically able act as lead-off hare (i.e. with a knowledge of the area and a passing familiarity with the workings of a GPS) should take part in the drawing of lots to be the first hare.
  • There should be no pressure on anyone to act as hare and if the person finding the preceding hare does not want to be a hare, they can pass the bag on to someone else.
  • Likewise there should be nothing stopping anyone being hare more than once if they find the preceding hare, but they can also elect if they wish to pass the bag on to someone else.
But these are just suggestions, the kinks can be ironed out on the day!

Sunday's HH3 details will no doubt be made known shortly and will follow as soon as they are!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

To boldly go...

Saturday's Kii Leum family affair proved that even on the most familiar of hills - and there aren't many more familiar than Kao Lam - there are still places to go that no mortal has set foot before. Strangely, though the going got tough as the pack laboriously traversed the northern flank of the hill eschewing the tall-grassy track we had traversed in the opposite direction the previous Wednesday, there were few complaints, and once we got down onto the familiar flat run in, even Perky hit his stride and made the most of the cool weather to come home in not much over an hour. Total length was a bit under 6k with the highest point at 193m and the total ascent 246k, so not too demanding. By contrast, the do-it-yourself short run which R2D2 piloted round was a whopping 4.4k and the last short runners were home a little after the long run creme de la creme made it in.
No takers for the hare's job this weekend so another relay hare run in prospect this Saturday. But after the last highly successful venture that is not to be scoffed at. The exact location of the run site will follow, but somewhere along the new Yala road around 3k on the right is anticipated.