Monday, February 28, 2011

Three posts for the price of one

1. SH3 can't get it up any more.

Like the aging bunch of geezers that we are fast becoming, SH3 failed to hold an erection on Saturday and this little graphic which appeared enigmatically on Friday proved to be prophetic as the organisational end of the committee failed miserably to get its act together and convene what should have been a fairly ritual re-election of all those willing and able to stand. The excuse is that there was a collective senior moment about whether erections should precede or follow running, with the result that the run prematurely ejaculated, so to speak, departing from the runsite almost 10 minutes before the advertised starting time of 4:30, leaving the hare stranded down the old Yala road and being forced to short-cut his own run in order to nanny the pack along the trail.

2. Just how long should a short run be?

With the ranks of the walkers swelled by two of the geezers sporting flesh wounds as well as Sperminator and Quack Whacker, and with newly unre-elected GM, R2D2 looking positively sprightly, the hare's decision to set a 6k short run proved wise. So as the long runners, with Beavershot as the only genuine Geezer among them, headed up the hill (in red from 360 1) , the short run began a complete and largely flat circumnavigation of Khao Lam (in blue from 360 1 to 360 4, then in red), managing to get almost half way round before becoming confused at the final check and shortly thereafter being caught by the male part of the pack, the female part having been bullied by the hare into taking a short cut at the third F to ensure that they got home first thus ensuring that the rest of us were greeted by steaming plates of Som Tam. Meanwhile, Stick Insect, who had thus far been the inspiration of the short run, discovered that his flesh wound was not as bad as he had thought and was magically transformed into a long runner, leaving the rest of the short pack to get back to the run site in about and hour and three quarters.
But the long run really was only about 6.5k...

3. And how long does a long run have to be?

...whereas Sunday's HH3 run was the thick end of 8k and went up to 288 meters, although the hare thoughtfully didn't make the pack go right to the top of Khao Si Chai. As reported below, the run was notable for the absence of dogs, and Beaver/Sex Focus was again the lone geezer in the pack with Big Foot/Gan Yao off on another of his lone runs, hare, Kai Jeow exhausted and asleep in the back of the egg-mobile and the rest of the sick lame and lazy finding other things to occupy themselves with. As also commented on below, the circle was rather unnervingly observed by a cleverly disguised agent of the Islamic Republic of Sai Kao, who as Beaver noted seemed to be one brick short of a full load. No doubt our doings are being carefully subjected to scrutiny this morning, the likely conclusion being that we are a bunch of dangerous and irreverant old farts and scantily clad women with big bums whose main crime is that we enjoy ourselves!
Next week both runs will be out Hatyai way, with Beaver and Sex Printer/Toy Boy promising to make it a memorable weekend of running and the ever present possibility that those whose job it is to organize our doings at SH3 might get off their flesh wounds and ... well organize things.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Voting with their (four) feet

A houndless hash -- how many years has it been since we had one of those? In an obvious show of solidarity with their oppressed sister Pigloid, not a single dog showed up for today's Hatyai Hash run. (Although Pigloid, now a full-fledged celebrity, was later spotted chained in the back of Eggafi's pickup truck.)

Anyhow, apart from the political implications, it was a great run. GPS track, please!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Unmuzzle the dogs of freedom!

This time Eggafi has gone too far! The shocking photo you see here has just come in from the PLF (Pigloid Liberation Front). Further proof, if you needed it, of the pressing need for liberation of the hounds . . . and, indeed, for regime change. Come to the run tomorrow and make your voice heard!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Mohamer Eggafi presents...

Two egg inspired runs this weekend. First up is SH3, where if tradition is to be followed there should be an erection this Saturday and we should revert to our popular 4:30 starting time. If the erection is to take place news will no doubt be promulgated through this organ, and to exercise your democratic right to vote for the same committee that has been in office since the year dot, make sure you are at the runsite at about 4:15. (That's right isn't it, Sir?)

The run details? Oh yes, they're:
Songkhla Hash House Harriers run #1551, Saturday February 26th 2011; 4:30 p.m.
Hares: Egghead, Harram, White Meat and Pink Floyd.
Misdirections: From the Kao Saeng intersection take the old Yala road for 11.5k and turn right for 1.2k to the run site on the right between the football pitch and Wat Khao Lam. [จากไฟแดงเก้าเส็งตรงไปถนนยะลาสายเก่า 11.5 ก ม เลี้ยวขวาไป1.2 ก ม อยู่ขวามือ]

Sunday's HH3 run (February 27th, 4:15 or thereabouts) is from behind Ban Sai Kao which is the village at the big tree on the Nam Noi/Tung Wang road, and will feature the same team of hares, magically renamed Kai Jeow (as dogs don't get named at HH3).

Getting to the run site from Songkhla is .... well let's just say that if you want the easy route, go 16k up the old Yala road, turn right for 3.5k then turn left just past the big tree and follow signs for about 1.5k to the run site. [ยะลาสายเก่า 16 ก ม เลี้ยวขวาไป 3.5 ก มแล้วเลี้ยวซ้ายไปและผ่านต้นไม้แล้วตามป้ายไปประมาณ 1.5 ก มแล้วดูป้าย]

(If you want the quickest route then from Saturday's run site go ahead for a further 3k then turn left and go 600m, then turn right and follow signs for about 1.5k to the run site. And if you are coming from Hatyai then turn right at the Nam Noi traffic lights and go 12k, then turn right and follow signs etc.)[ถ้ามาจากหาดใหญ่เลี้ยวขวาจากไฟแดงน้ำน้อยตรงไปประมาณ 12 ก ม และเลี้ยวขวาตามป้ายไป]

The run site will be more or less at the end of the concrete section of road. And finally a note from our social responsibility unit: PLEASE PARK CONSIDERATELY, i.e park on the track/road not in the rubber as the earth is too soft for cars.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

No Dog Left Behind

Thanks to Beaver's prescience in photographing her before yesterdays run, Pigloid, a.k.a. Pink Floyd is now back in the fold, courtesy of a sharp eyed Bang Dan family who spotted one of the almost 100 posters that magically appeared this afternoon bearing the fruit of Beaver's art (above) and linked it to the new dog on the block who had appeared just about at the point in yesterday's out-trail that she became detached from her owner, viz the first, somewhat generous, false trail. The sharp eyed etc. have been richly rewarded for their help in restoring Pigloid to her adoring public.


The last known photo of Pigloid a.k.a. Pink Floyd, missing in action from yesterday's run. We have reports that a search party is now being organized for this afternoon.

Friday, February 18, 2011

No censorship here

In response to recent accusations of censorship, The Online Scum would like to clarify its position. This site is passionately committed to free speech. We categorically deny any and all censorship. We are all equal here, from the all-powerful and omniscient system administrator to you, the lowliest user.

We trust there will be no further misunderstandings.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Three part harmony

Three runs to enjoy this weekend. First up, the Full Moon Hash run has been re-scheduled for Friday as it has just been discovered that the full moon is on ... surprise! surprise! Friday! Details are :
Hatyai Full Moon Hash #74, Friday, February 18 2011; 7:00 p.m.
Hares: Kai Jeow and Full Moon
Misdirections: From the Ko Yo Intersection, take the Old Hatyai road for 4k and turn left for 5.2k then right through the temple arch for 200m, then right for 300m then left for 100m to the run site circa Egg Towers.
Usual stuff applies: Beer by appointment at 3 cans for 100 Baht or bring your own if you prefer. Contributions of food welcomed, and bring a handlight if you intend to run.

Next, Songkhla Hash House Harriers run on Saturday is:

SH3 run #1550, Saturday February 19th, 2011; 4:00 p.m.
Hares; Bi Anal and Kii Leum
Misdirections: From the Kao Saeng intersection take the Hatyai road for 4.6k and turn left for 100m to the run site in the car park on the left.

And to complete this happy threesome:

Hatyai H3 run # Gawd knows, Sunday February 20th 2011; 4:15'ish
Hare: Nichaow
Misdirections from Songkhla: from the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.6 k and turn left for 8k then right for about 7k then left and follow signs to somewhere in the vicinity of Ban Nai Lai.
Anything else you need to know?

Friday, February 11, 2011

2011 Beavershot camera sale

For sale: Canon 450D digital SLR camera (12.2 megapixels, 3" screen etc. etc. -- complete review here) plus 18-55mm kit lens, two batteries, charger, cables etc. Bought new in mid-2008 for about B24,000. Lightly used, excellent condition. Yours for B8000. Email Le Beaver or leave a comment here!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

X marks the spot

A new era has dawned in SH3's development as a user-friendly hash. No more messy misdirections which are usually wrong anyway; no more attempts at badly drawn, out-of-scale maps. No, from now on directions to the run site will be in glorious Technicolor and will illustrate the area in which we will be running, or walking, or eating som tum... whatever.

So that's it then. Nothing more to be said ... except where the f*** is it! The Swiss Alps? The Rockies? Mount Fuji? Nope! It's Wat Kaow Keow.

Time was when Wat KK got almost as much hash attention as our other oft-used but much-loved site in the area, Prem's Place. But lately it seems to have fallen out of favor, so Saturday's visit is a timely reminder that we don't always need to travel to the next Ampur to find good countryside.

So that's it then, see you there!

No? Still here?

Ok! Ok!

SH3 run #1549, Saturday February 12th 2011: 4:00 p.m
Hares: R2D2 and Palm Job
Misdirections: from the Kao Saeng intersection take the Hatyai road for 3.4k and turn left for 700 meters to the run site on the left.

And while we're about it: HH3 will be in the next Ampur on Sunday so we can all get our road-trip rocks off getting out to Hatyai. The run site is in Th. Poonakan about half a kilometer up from the slaughter house. If you're coming from Songkhla and don't like all those traffic lights, from the Kao Saeng intersection, take the old Hatyai road for 4.6k and turn right then follow the road for 8k and turn right at Wat Kaow Kloy, then follow Poonakan for about 7.5k to the run site on the right.

P.S. Rumor has it we may be reBeavered this weekend as long as the border dispute doesn't escalate to the point where innocent civilians become stigmatized as enemy spies. Although, come to think of it, Beaver has been spending a lot of time in Cam... Ooops! That nearly let the cat out of the bag; or the beaver out of the lodge.

Monday, February 7, 2011

The perfect hash?

Just as we were all beginning to doubt that our twice weekly romp in the hills was such a good idea after Saturday's trip to hell, Hatyai Hash yesterday delivered up the complete antidote to doubt: the perfect hash.

It wasn't just the run; but that was a good start. Sited in the shady grove between Wat Khao Lam and the adjacent football pitch, like Saturday's run it was largely generated from the geekosphere and brought into reality by Only a Yolk/Moo Sahb's man-management skills as she guided Off T and son, Green Tea around Khao Lam, producing a run of such quality that not one negative comment was heard. With the first runners back in almost exactly an hour and at 6.5k, the proportions were perfect and the trails used were a great balance of flat running and hill with the checks working so well that the two fastest runners, Nichaow and Porn Star were effectively sidelined half way through the run by a false trail that left them 5 minutes behind the rest of the FRB's, but still allowed all the runners to come in within a 10 minute bracket.

But like I said, it wasn't just the run. If we are suffering from falling attendances at SH3, HH3 seem suddenly to have hit a purple patch and yesterday it was like Union H3 never happened with so many old friends back together and a few new ones as well. And HH3 is back to being a Thai hash again, with avengance, as out of the 50 or so people who turned out yesterday there were only 4 farangs who could comfortably stay in the background and drink beer as GM Sex Sprinter ran a great circle to end a perfect afternoon's entertainment as the sun set behind the football pitch... etc. etc.

Happy days!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Appearances can be deceptive; but Pink Floyd is OK

Looks a gentle sort of run doesn't it? Pleasant run out to the hill then a steady climb up through the verdant rubber to the trail along the ridge, then a gentle climb up to the top (249m) before an equally undemanding trot down through more rubber and another gentle run home.

Think again! If our pussy runs have gained a reputation for being full on, no compromise, femcho hashing then today's run is going to do nothing to soften that image.

Not that the Hash ladies can claim all the credit, as last November's storm has wrought as much damage in this area as anywhere around Songkhla. That nice trail we ran in April as a gentle wind-down from our walk up Khao Jet Yod, has to all intents and purposes disappeared. And that gentle downhill? Forget it! It's a disaster area; strewn with fallen trees and apparently deserted by its owners in the face of the sheer impossibility of getting up the hill.

But all credit to our five hairiettes, After Ours, Crackwurst, Only a Yolk, Meals on Wheels and Temporary Relief for not giving up in the face of an over-optimistic GPS track, and finding a way through in 4 hours and 52 minutes to set a run which even though it was only a little over 6k as the lame crow flies took the front runners a cool 1 hour 40 minutes, and had the final three hounds refusing a lift back to the run site on 2 hours and insisting on running the final 500 meters home.

Thanks also to Bi Anal for the post-run fireworks display, but greater thanks to all those who then spent the next hour or more trying to find the last remnants of the SH3 dog pack who bolted in fear after the fire crackers were set off. Pink Floyd already spooked by some earlier fireworks, was the last hound to be located by which time most of the Hash had departed for better things. But Buk Toy, Gan Yao and Softcock stayed on to conduct mobile recces and Kii Leum discovered a suitable substitute on his motorbike but couldn't persuade the mutt to sit on his petrol tank. After Hours ferried Meals on Wheels and Only a Yolk out to the eventual point where Pink Floyd surfaced and Ram it in, Tuttee Fruity and Temporary Relief, who with M.o.W's, had earlier recaptured Harram, hung around just in case Pink Floyd plucked up the courage to come back to the run site.

Future would be pyromaniacs please note: These days we are almost as much a dog hash as a human hash and dogs do not like fireworks. Wanna let off some fireworks? Do it at home and put the fear of God into your own dogs!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Songkhla ladies present...

An optimist's impression of the Songkhla ladies recceing this weekend's run.

This Saturday our women-folk will be casting aside their worldly cares, loading the PGS and heading off into the countryside to provide us with a little run.
Details are:

SH3 run #1548, Saturday, February 5, 2011, 4:30 p.m. sharp.
Hares: After Ours, Crackwurst, Only a Yolk, Meals on Wheels and Temporary Relief
Misdirections: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 6.5k and turn right just after the CP Foods factory. Follow the road for 1k to the runsite on the right.

On Sunday (February 6, 4 p.m.) it will be back to the usual Y chromosome-dominated misogynistic business at HH3 where alpha-male Off T will hand token woman Moo Sahb a huge bag of paper and order her to meekly (yeah, right! ed.) follow in his footsteps as he boldly cuts a swathe through the jungle. The runsite is widely expected to be adjacent to Wat Lam (from the Kao Saeng intersection, take the old Yala road for 11.2k and turn right for about 1.2k. Run site on the right ; from Hatyai take a right at the Nam Noi traffic lights and go 11k then turn right and follow the road through the village [i.e. avoiding the turning to Kao Ron] for 2.2 k; go ahead at the crossroads for 1k to the run site on the left; enter the site via the football field and park in the rubber on the right) .

Finally, there is a quiz night this Friday at the Office Bar where Stick Insect will be abandoning the hash team in order to ask some searching questions. Volunteers to substitute for his massive intellect would be welcome as otherwise our only hope of winning may be that no one else turns up! The fun starts at 8 'ish which is shorthand for 8:30 going on nine. Proceeds in aid of the orphans or the blind-kids depending on Eric the Viking's whim.

Intruder located!

Thanks to some extensive cyber-detective work here at TOS HQ, we have finally and precisely located the source of the security breach experienced on this site over the past several days.

While there were several posts hacked, most shocking was the one directly above this one, i.e. the misdirections for Saturday's run. The original post featured this charming impression of the SH3 Harriettes, as lovely and respectful as one would expect from an English gentleman of Egghead's stature.

As you can see, this graphic has for the moment been replaced by an equally delightful rendition featuring a collection of cats, i.e. "pussies". Again, charming, respectful, and entirely in keeping with this site's code of conduct.

For a few brief hours between these two illustrations, however, yet another artist's impression of the Pussies of SH3 appeared in their place. It is of a sufficiently shocking nature that normally we would not even acknowledge it. But in view of the gravity of the aforementioned security breach, we present it here in the interests of total disclosure. Please have your children shield their eyes.

And the source of this vile insult to our beloved Harriettes? We have not yet identified the exact household, but this map should provide sufficient guidance. GM, could we please deal with this at Saturday's circle?