Saturday, August 31, 2013

The Big Wet

Well, that was different. Nonstop serious rain from the moment the run started till just about the time the last runners got in . . . but who would have guessed that the last runners would be Sex Sprinter, Bak Toy, Palm Job, and Tsunami? These fine fellows were the only ones willing to try to track down the elusive paper squares your hare inadvisedly chose to use today. It took them a couple hours, right till the very edge of total darkness, despite which they pronounced the run "Sanuk maak". Everyone else did the short run or some variation on it, and even that wasn't easy. Most of the trails were rivers and most of the paper had long since disappeared downstream.
Redacted GPS track of the run.
We present no technical details of the run, as the hare was basically told, "Not good enough, do it again." So next week he will, from the same site but using better paper. Maybe I shouldn't but I take this as a compliment -- I mean, if it were really that bad, would you ask me to do it again? Or are you just really hard up for hares? Anyhow, on-on, 4:30 pm., Saturday, 7 September!

Friday, August 30, 2013

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Lost Weekend run

Tidings from this week's hare:
The desperate life of a chronic alcoholic is followed through a four day drinking bout . . . no hang on, that's Ray Milland in the Billy Wilder movie. The blurb for this Saturday reads more like: Beavershot gets plastered on Quiz Night and then, desperately hungover, attempts to set a run using the dubious GPS track from the one (!) recce he did this week. Will he lose his way? Will the whole hash? Whatever happens, you'll want to drink heavily!
Details are:
Songkhla Hash House Harriers' run #1681, 4:30 pm., Saturday, 31 August 2013
Hare: Beavershot
Misdirections: From the Ko Yo Intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.6 k and turn left for 10.6k then turn right and go 1.1k to the runsite.   

Sunday's HH3 map is:
It looks like a location in the vicinity of Ban Ta Jin: From the Ko Yo intersection take the new Hatyai road for about 8k and turn left before the hill then look for a sign after about 1k on the right. The hares are Robocop and Sex Racing but don't let that put you off!

Finally. as hinted at in Beaver's comments above, there is a quiz nite at the office bar on Friday 30th August at 8:00 p.m. at which yours truly will be acting as quizmaster. All proceeds in favour of the blind kids, so do come along and take part.

The Guardian sez: Yes, a sport for old farts!

Fauja Singh, who two years ago in Toronto became the oldest person ever to complete a full marathon. It took him over eight hours, but then again -- he was 100.
OK, we're preaching to the choir here, but this just in from the Guardian:

Running is one of the few sports at which it is possible, albeit with a lot of hard work and a bundle of talent, to progress to elite status despite only taking it up in your 30s. One of the best examples is the great Jack Foster, the Liverpool-born New Zealander and self-styled "ancient marathoner", who pulled on a pair of trainers for the first time at the age of 32 and by age 40 found himself running 2:11 for the marathon, picking up a silver medal for his efforts at the Christchurch Commonwealth Games in 1974.

At a slightly lower level, Welshman Martin Rees this year became the proud holder of the age 60 World Best times for the half marathon (71:30) and 10km (32:54), after a glorious couple of decades during which he has run incredible times over a full range of distances from 5k (14:20) to the marathon (2:23). He only took up the sport in his late 30s and soon got the running bug.

Read the whole thing here.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

It's all relative

So the question came up after Sunday's run: has Einstein's theory of general relativity been proven? In other words, is it really still just a theory?

Unfortunately Brainiac still isn't answering his phone -- could he still be upset about that Wikipedia crack? -- and so in my own poor way I had to do the research myself. The conclusion may surprise you.

Einstein himself proposed three "tests" of his theory: 1) the perihelion procession of Mercury's orbit, 2) the deflection of light by the sun, and 3) the gravitational redshift of light. All three have by now been demonstrated beyond doubt, as well as many more newer tests. You can read all about it here.

But in fact we were asking the wrong question. Checking the Physics Forum (a very good U.S.-based forum backed by Scientific American magazine), I found this explanation by one of the boffins:

You don't seem to understand what a theory is. No explanation of natural phenomenon can ever progress beyond the status of "theory". The predictions of theories, if verified by experiments can be facts. Time dilates in a gravitational field: FACT. Time dilates in a gravitational field because mass bends a 4-dimensional space time continuum: THEORY. See the difference? The second statement can never be anything but a theory. Cause and effect is impossible to verify experimentally (because its a relationship). It can only be assumed based on repeated experiment, not proven. When people say "Relativity is just a theory, not a fact" or "Evolution is just a theory, not a fact", its painfully obvious they don't understand how science works. Theory is as good as it gets. You do not progress from theory to law. A law is just an assumed fact. The Law of Conservation of Mass: We assume that mass is conserved. We cannot prove it. But based on experience, it seems to be a reasonable ASSUMPTION. Theories, do not become laws. Laws are assumptions. Theories do not become facts. Facts are observations.

Law: Assumption
Fact: Observation
Theory: Explanation

None of the three can be "promoted" into being one of the others, they are seperate things altogether. Calling something a theory has nothing to do with its merit or accuracy. The idea of the lumiferous ether is still a theory, but is not given much credence. General Relativity is a theory, and is widely believed to be a close approximation to the truth. 

. . . so now we know.

Monday, August 26, 2013

What we do best.

1680: 7.5k, maximum height 168m. Great run as everyone who did it agreed. 'Nuff said. Short run? The GPS reveals that there was a pretty good run in there but somewhere along the line the hares lost their nerve, cut out the hill and about 2k of gorgeous running to end up with a miserly 1.9k which never got much above 100m. But it didn't matter, the walking wounded sniffed out the lost bits of the track, did them backwards for the most part and then added another 2 or 3k on for good luck, so it was ok in the end.
Sunday's HH3 run by contrast was a little under 4.4k and although it got up to about 295m, there was a hare-directed medium run which cut the top 30 meters or so off. Great circle and party followed which ended sometime after the beer ran out.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Enough! The dawning of the age of non-Aquarious.

Thank you Beaver for those few kind words.

Yes, enough is enough. This was voiced informally at the outset of the current GM-ship, and there was a period of acceptable levels of water throwing. But the situation has got out of hand and sadly requires a dictat to restore some kind of normalcy.

Therefore, henceforth, water whilst not totally banned, should only be thrown in recepticles which do not exceed 200ml (see above), i.e. the size of the plastic cups which are provided every week by the beer bitch, and the throwing of water should be restricted to those of female gender and/or those not exceeding the age of 12, i.e. those of whom the older and more responsible among us (who the f*** are they?) feel some degree of ability to control in situations where even this minimum level of aquatic behaviour is deemed inappropriate.

As Beaver also suggests, new runners, returning runners and people receiving T shirts or other long service awards should not have water thrown over them and whilst sinners deseve most of what is coming to them (in units of 200ml), the dousing of hares should be conducted reverently, as a tribute rather than a punishment.

And yes, maybe even icing is something we should think about phasing out. For the time being let us maintain the option so that those who have grown used to the weekly cold bum can continue to indulge in this cruel and unusual punishment. But henceforth, 2 plastic stools (below) will be provided on which the more tender-arsed among us can take their punishment reward if they so choose.

At the end of the day this is supposed to be fun, and although many of us have grown used to being soaked and frozen, our arcane rituals have undoubtedly contributed to our low numbers, and we cannot afford to ignore this fact and risk driving away people who enjoy or would potentialy enjoy all other aspects of what we do.

Notes from the Shadow On Sec

First of all, thanks to hares Perky and Innuendo, who set an excellent and unexpectedly ambitious run today. We reckon that most of us ran about 9km, mostly at a pretty exhausting pace too, though we can't blame the hares for that. I'm prejudiced, because this happens to be just about my favorite area in all Songkhla/Hatyai, but they used it well. Better yet, Short Screw didn't come in first for a change, not that we keep track or anything.

Anyhow I'm not sure if I'm still On Sec, but after watching the recent antics of the British government, I've decided to appoint myself as Shadow On Sec in any case to discuss two important points that came up after today's run.

Of Ice and Men

Just when we'd decided to ease off on the water throwing, it came back in force today. Perky and Mucky Pup in particular seemed seriously unimpressed, especially since they'd both expressed their dislike of the whole icing thing. Yes, I know, the kids like throwing water and anybody who can't take a joke etc. etc. but the simple fact is that we've lost runners because of this, and at this point we really can't afford to lose any more.

Stick Insect had a good suggestion: limit the water throwing to serious  sinners who we know won't mind too much. God knows, I've come to dislike it myself, but if you've really got the goods on me, then yes, fair enough. But for new runners, returnees, shirt recipients, hares (well, most hares), and anyone else who objects to it, we really ought to stop this, and I mean as of next week. And I think the GM feels even more strongly about this than I do.

Mid-week hijinks

On a more positive note, Gan Yao asked why not organize some kind of SH3/HH3 social event once a month, two weeks opposite the Full Moon Run. We pointed out that we already have been doing a nice little dining/drinking evening on random Thursdays, alternating between Songkhla and Hatyai. But yes, how about trying to formalize it to once a month,  two weeks after FMH3? For once, I'd really appreciate a comment or two here . . . please?

More Hash cuisine

Freshly made for today's run: Tofu a la Handjob. (OK, so that name might not work on a restaurant menu.)

Friday, August 23, 2013

Egghead, the secret romantic

Egghead, the hash's leading photographer of sunsets, seems to be expanding his artistic range. While your usual hash flash was on the ice on Sunday (unfairly, as always), Egg borrowed his camera and, perhaps in homage, snapped this near-beavershot . . . of his own wife! Who says romance is dead?

SH3 1680

Barring some unforeseen obstacle, tomorrow's hares should be about to commence laying paper about now and with luck should have finished in time for 4:30 tomorrow; a good run takes time!

Details are:
Songkhla Hash House Harriers' run #1680, Saturday August 24th, 2013, 4:30 p.m.
Hares: Perky and Innuendo
Misdirections: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left for 8k then right (at Wat Keow Kloy into Th. Poonakan) for 1.2k and follow the track for 500m to the runsite.

Sunday's (August 25th, 2013, 4:17 p.m.) HH3 run will now be set by Sex Printer, and the location will be: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left for 10k then left for about1.5k  to the runsite. Map below.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Some signs from China

Full moon cuisine

Happy Ending starts cooking up something for this evening's run. Sex Focus grabs it and starts shooting, the better to put off real work. What it'll end up as, nobody knows. But she promises it'll be vegetarian.

Full moon 101: the dusking of a new era

Tonight's (Wednesday, August 21st, 2013: 7:00 p.m.) full moon run opens a new chapter in the history of HFMH3, casting aside numerical anomolies by the simple expedient of skipping effortlessly from run 99.9 to run 101 without ever actually alighting on run 100.

So what's new? Certainly not the hares (Sex Printer and Toy Boy) nor the instructions (bring a handlight if you are going to run and some food if you feel that way inclined) nor the availability of Full Moon Special Brew at the old price of 100 Baht for 3 cans.

But the runsite is a first for Full Moon Hash which hasn't visited Poonakan for some time and has never run from this particular runsite, the misdirections for which are: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left for 8k then right (at Wat Keow Kloy into Th. Poonakan) for 4k to the run site on the left.

Be there!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The new Mr. & Mrs. Hash

In respect to the Lady of the Lamp who claims they were driving down attendance, The Online Scum has declared a temporary moratorium on photos of KY. Nevertheless we feel confident in presenting this delightful portrait of Vaseline Donkey, which admittedly does include KY as one of its components but only in the context of one of HH3's most charming couples. I mean, better this than a couples shot of Khai Jiao and Muu Sap . . . .

Monday, August 19, 2013

Kids these days

Robocop's revenge

Didn't we once have a theory that the worse the run, the better the circle? I'll pass on commenting on Robocop's run, but the circle was high-spirited even by HH3 standards. Some photos . . . .

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Today's Hatyai run

Well it's a bit late but in case anyone is still wondering where today's HH3 run is, hare Robocop says go to the Nam Noi traffic lights (10km down the OHR from the Kaw Yaw intersection) and turn right (if you're coming from Songkhla). He says the runsite will be just 200m or so down that road, which sounds kind of strange but then Robocop is pretty strange himself. On-on!

Editorial: Another outrage of justice

As far as The Online Scum is concerned, there was only blemish upon yesterday’s otherwise superb run by Yardstick and Short Screw: the brutal and unjustified icing of a respected senior hasher who also happens to be the publisher of this organ.

 The incident had its roots in this story, in which a Scum correspondent reported finding Egghead “lurking in front of a seedy Hatyai massage parlor” the day before, i.e. December 22, 2011. It was accompanied by this photo and caption:

A re-creation of the shocking scene witnessed by a TOS reporter in downtown Hatyai yesterday afternoon.

Note that there was no reference to the Pink Lady. Indeed, a map included with the story showed that said massage parlor was clearly located on Thanon Thamnunwitthi in downtown Hatyai. The photo was clearly labeled as a “re-creation”, a common and accepted technique used by many respectable news media.

 Egghead’s reaction at the time was curious. On the one hand he claimed that Rotary Wanker (whom he described as “a man of impeccable character”) would provide an alibi for him, if not for the 22nd itself then for “at least a couple days later”. On the other, he tacitly admitted that he had been loitering outside said massage parlor (“waiting for … the transubstantiation of Peppered Pussy into the Virgin bleedin’ Mary”), and himself provided photographic evidence of the result of that "wait".

Then yesterday Rotary Wanker himself appeared at the hash and, far from providing an alibi, reported that he had seen Egghead at Christin, the notorious knocking shop massage parlor in Phuket. 

We can thus only conclude that sometime within a day or two of his adventures in Hatyai, Egghead drove the almost 500km to Phuket and carried on his cycle of excess at Christin. Perhaps he mistook the name for “Christian” and assumed it was a church? I think not.

So why then the shocking behavior yesterday toward the respected senior etc. by now-GM Egghead and his toady, Short-Time Acting GM Stick Insect? Is this the start of yet another organized assault on truth in the media? Will all our freedoms soon be crushed by these jackbooted thugs?

A recent ad for Christin. Note incontrovertible evidence of Egghead's patronage.

Free Manning! Reprieve Snowden! And refuse to allow the Eggafi clique to muzzle the clarion voice of The Online Scum!

P.S. As for that sneaky little Short Screw who dumped a large bucket of ice water over me, I’ll fix him in good time.   

Where did we go (wrong) yesterday?

The length of the run was a mere 6.2kms (honestly, even if it didn't feel like it) and the total ascent only 313 metres. If you were lucky enough to go down all the false trails and check backs you would have done about 7.2kms and a total up of about 430 metres, for the same price.

With 12 hounds and 2 hares on the long run, and with everyone back in about 1.5 hours, we were lucky enough not to have to spend half the night out searching this week, and instead do what we do best, drinking, eating and running, in that order.

The short run wasn't quite as successful, with the short runners unable to find paper at the second check and having to backtrack to the runsite along the concrete road.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Anyone For Icecream?

This is the sort of unsolicited information you can get from reading the comic section of the Bangkok Post, the sort of information you didn't really want or need. 
For the record, this week's run was to be known as The Revenge on Beaver Run, but this was carefully edited out by the Scum chief editor for reasons known only to himself. His abbreviated run misdirections have also been kindly restored to the verbose version by our refurbished linguist, Egghead, and are reprinted here to help you navigate to the runsite.
From Tha Kao Saeng intersection take the old Yala Road for 16k and turn right for 3.5k then left just after the big tree at Sai Khao and follow hash signs for 1.7k to the runsite. If you are coming from Hatyai, turn right at the Nam Noi traffic lights and go 12k then turn right just before the big tree for 1.7k... etc
Please encourage any Hatyai Hashers to come and help bolster our small contingent of runners expected this week, and if necessary press gang any wayward Farangs or Thais you may find.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A new mutant hare: YardScrewShortStick

So it appears Saturday's run will be set by a remarkable creature with two heads and four legs, i.e. not one but two of our rare and valued long runners. Ah well, better in Songkhla than Hatyai, where they would have to be known as Sex of the Inchdick. Yardo, in his precise way, has provided both small- and large-scale maps to the runsite, but veteran hashers will need just two words: "Big Tree". The lead hare claims that the run will not be "particularly long or hard" which sounds to us like an old story about the actress and the bishop, but take it for what you think it's worth.

SH3 Run #1679, 4:30 pm., Saturday, 17 August. As this is an A-to-B run, BE ON TIME if you expect transport to the start of the run.

Hares: Yardstick and Short Screw

Misdirections: Take the blah-blah-blah and turn left at the Big Tree. Follow the signs or if no signs then your intuition through the village 1.7km to the runsite on the concrete road leading up the hill.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Building a better Egghead

Ah yes, I'd forgotten . . . this is the week that our GM and supreme misdirectionist Egghead goes into hospital for some improvements to his groin. Assuming he'll still be tripping away on propofol, please hares, kindly send your misdirections around to the usual mailing list and I'll post them here. Meanwhile, a possible diagnosis . . . .

Sunday, August 11, 2013

1678: Losing Festering Willy

Ok, so it doesn't quite have the Disneyesque ring of Finding Nemo, but there was definitely something epic about yesterday's Perky/Egghead run with a hint of farce to top off the evening which ended shortly before 9:00 p.m when the final search party made its way back to the runsite and the last of the beer was drunk.
It had all begun so promisingly with small but meaningful packs heading off onto both the short and long runs the latter swept by both hares, so nobody should have been left behind. But as Perky brought home Safe Sex whose brief encounter the previous week with a snake had left her with a stitched up foot, it became apparent that Festering Willy who had last been seen by Only a Yolk as she embarked on a short cut at the 4th 360 (the same one that had earlier been pioneered by Sex Sprinter, Yardstick and Short Screw!) had wandered off the trail.
Given that at the point he was last seen, the nearest road was on the Nern Pichet side of the hill, search parties were despatched up the hill and also by truck to try to locate what was reported to be a dehydrated, exhausted and disoriented runner who had earlier been heard to complain that he couldn't feel his legs. In fact in all probability, FW had come within a few hundred meters of the runsite but had then lost the trail somewhere around the final 360, hitting Poonakan beyond the runsite and turning left instead of right.
From there he had eventually made his way to Prince of Songkhla University, about 5k distant, which must have been an interesting experience given that this is Mor Or Fair week and the place must have been heaving with people. Anyway, all's well that ends well, and Dad, Spotted Dick was eventually able to confirm that FW had managed to explain his predicament to some saintly person and was being ferried back to Songkhla.
For the record, the long run was 5.7k, maximum elevation 204m, total ascent 322m and the first runners arrived in 1hr 6mins. The short run was 2.7k and got up to 147m. An attempt at a circle was made at the conclusion of the evening at which T shirts were given to Spotted Dick (300 runs), Peppered Pussy (550 runs) and Perky, Hip Hop and Rock and Roll (50 runs). In the general air of relief and bonhomie, the sinners were pardonned and the hares didn't get wet as the beer truck had by that time departed.
Next week, Yardstick will be entertaining us somewhere around the big tree at Sai Kao, Beavershot should rejoin the fold and the cube may get an airing as the GM will be convalescing. Can someone else update the blog please?

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Perky? Perky? Who the f*** is Perky?

When ex GM, Smeghead this week asked "Who are the hares?" he could be forgiven for not immediately connecting the name to the face. In fact extensive research by the TOS investigative team has only been able to discover one photograph of this week's hare, lurking in the background between Stick Insect and Beavershot in a shot from HH3 back in February next to putative hare Innuendo who has educational commitments on lay-day so has dropped out of the posse.
For Smegger's information Perky, who has already figured as a hare in a number of previous combinations reached the milestone of his 50th run last Saturday, somewhat tardily having boycotted SH3 for many years after receiving a rather inappropriate hash name back in 2002 at the hands of none other than Smeghead!
Anyway with Inuendo out of the frame, technical advisor, Egghead has stepped up to fill the vacancy and the full details are now:
Songkhla Hash House Harriers run #1678, Saturday August 10th 2013: 4.30 p.m.
Hares: Perky and Egghead
Misdirections: from the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left for 8k then right (at Wat Keow Kloy into Poonakan Road) for 4k to the run site on the left.

This week's HH3 outing is courtesy of Robocop and will be from the flat bit on the edge of the swamp near the buffalo enclosure. Gottit? No? Ok: from the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 10k and turn right at the Nam Noi traffic lights for less than 1k and turn left at the hash sign then follow the road for about 1.5k to the run site on ....the flat bit on the edge of the swamp near the buffalo enclosure!
Now you geddit!

Friday, August 2, 2013

The back passage

Click on the image to make it BIG!
Progress on the up-grading of the main road into Borogam seems to have stalled, so although Egg Towers is still accessible via the normal route (indicated above by a red dashed line: OHR 4k, Left 5.2k, right and follow your nose) it is probably sensible to give the directions for Sunday's HH3 run and to deploy the signage using the back route which is actually shorter and takes in some fine country that we normally end up running!
Directions for those who find the literalistic map above hard to follow: From the Traffic lights at Kuan Hin on the old Hatyai road (4k West of the Ko Yo intersection, 13k East of the Ko Hong intersection) turn left (from Songkhla) or right (from Hatyai) and go 1.5k. Turn right and go 2.5k then turn left at the hash sign and follow the track for 1.5k to the parking area and the run site on the right.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

The step-daughter from.... heaven?

Remember? The step-daughter from hell; so lacking in human qualities that she got named 'Zombie'; Sadao H3 for chrissakes; where human life as we know it, or would like to think we know it is devoid.. or of which it is devoid... anyway, where there isn't a lot of normal human life around - you get the picture.
So what happened?
Well, what happened is that she turned into a human being! And not just any old human being, but one that has made a step-dad proud ... of what I am not sure as all he did was stand back and let her get on with it.
And this weekend she will be celebrating her birthday, and Mum and Step-dad along with lil' sis' will be entertaining HH3 in her honor on Sunday and buying a few beers at SH3 on Saturday to mark her twenty somethingth birthday (she says sixth but hmm...).
So please do join us on one or both runs to celebrate Yolk's Poke/Sex Phone's 28th (ooops!) birthday.
Details are:
SH3 run #1677 Saturday August 3rd, 2013, 4:30 p.m.
Hares: Sex Sprinter and Buk Toy
Misdirections: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 10k and turn left at the Nam Noi traffic lights then follow the road for 1.5k to the run site on the right near the dam.

HH3 run #(and we're guessing here)646  Sunday August 4th, 2013, 4:30 p.m.
Hares: Khai Jeow, Moo Sahb, Peppered Pussy and Sex Phone
Misdirections: There may be a change from the usual route as there are road improvements taking place on the main road into Borogam Village which may make access that way difficult, so there will be an update by Saturday on the best way to get to Egg Towers. But they will undoubtedly start: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4k and turn left for... so if in doubt do that then follow the signs!