The following email just came in from R2D2, who has hereby for once and for all proven himself the true master of misdirection. Egghead, off somewhere boozing it up on Soi Cowboy, will be totally blindsided by this unexpected and overwhelming challenge to his previously untouchable status. Read it and weep!
In a last minute decision by a group of almost insiders and wannabe cronies, it was decided that there may not be enough competent hares (Are there ever?) attending this coming run #1659, Saturday, March 23, 2013 to be able to negotiate the required hare hand-offs for a successful “relay run” and Sex Sprinter has stepped into the breech as a Last Minute Hare. For his convenience, we have changed the designated run site as per the usual convoluted Sex Sprinter cryptic map, which is a little less cryptic for those coming from Had Yai. For those coming from Songkhla, I submit the following:
Plan A (with the start not shown on the above diagram):
Proceed South from the Kao Seng Intersection for about 14 km. to Toong Wung Market (that’s the clear and easy part).
If it is possible to turn right and cut through the market (unlikely as it will be market day), proceed through that and pass straight through an intersection, whereupon you will likely pass Sai Kao Temple on the right and eventually come to the “tree in the middle of the road” as depicted to the upper right of Sex Sprinter’s diagram above.
Turn right at the “big tree” (only big if you hit it) and go a couple of km to just past the Sai Kao Resort on the right, turning into the road to the run site on the left.
You should then see the run site somewhere or there will be hares wandering around waving their hands or laying paper or something.
Plan B (more likely passable, but also with the start not shown on the above diagram):
Follow step 1. as per plan B but pass the Toong Wung villiage market for another kilometer or two and if nothing else turn right at about 16.5 km. from the Kao Seng intersection at the Koon Tong Temple.
At the first major intersection (which will be at the other side of the aforementioned market) turn left, which should put you on the road past the Sai Kao Temple leading to the “tree in the middle of the road” as per step 2. above.
Follow as per steps 3. and 4. above
Take the Old Had Yai road to Had Yai and try to follow Sex Sprinter’s diagram as to where to turn left at the Nirn Sine Temple (maybe 4.7 km. from the five way Gaw Yaw Intersection?) on the way to Kao Gloy Temple (but don’t go that far).
At the Tha Kam Village turn left at the intersection and proceed to the run site, turning right off the road.
Having missed the turn but seeing Sai Kao Resort on the left, make a u-turn back to the run site on the left, hoping no one sees you do it.
Also having missed the Sai Kao Resort, drive 2 km. to the “big tree in the middle of the road”, make a u-turn around it and come back, having a higher chance of no one seeing you do this.
Saunter casually into the run site.
Take a trip to Had Yai and before getting there turn left at the Nam Noi traffic light.
Pass straight through the Tha Kam Village intersection and follow steps 3 through 5 as necessary as for Plan C.
Take this as an excuse to go shopping in Had Yai, timing your return so that you can turn right at the Nam Noi traffic lights.
Follow step 2. as per Plan D: above
Drive around hopelessly in circles, finally in utter panic phoning everyone on your mobile phones telephone list (assuming that they are all SH3’ers) for directions.
Receive completely crossed up directions from each of the respondents to your panic stricken messages that are a mix of all of the above plans in no particular order and combined with directions to the old run site on a completely different road, finally arriving at the run site well after all the festivities have taken place, including many rounds for Divine Beverage at your expense.
Regret not taking the Plan G option, which is the one and only Safe and Sure Plan:
Calmly drive or find transport to the Bai Miang Restaurant on Sadao Road Songkhla (or we sometimes do pick-ups within the main town of Songkhla – 081-990-8482).
Calmly board the Conveyance known as the Beer Truck according to the directions from your Conductor and erstwhile Butler.
Calmly sit in Style and Comfort in the designated Conveyance whilst your pilot, Bung the Beer Truck Driver #3, navigates the best of the above Plans.
Calmly partake of free water or soda, or purchase that Divine Beverage (as long as you like not-yet-quite-cold Leo Beer) as served by your Conductor.
Calmly descend from that Conveyance at the end of your Journey (if you can still stand) and partake in the festivities.
At the end of the festivities, calmly return to Bai Miang as you departed.
Optional inexpensive Divine Beverage (in large bottles) as well as excellent food is available at the end of your Journey at the Bai Miang Restaurant giving you an opportunity to calmly contemplate doing it again at the Had Yai Hash on Sunday.
Do note that there is no Celestial Conveyance provided by the Had Yai Hash.
[Note from Der Bloggenfuerher: Traditionally instead of saying "going shopping Hatyai" we prefer to say "take a refreshing bubble bath at the Pink Lady". Just a suggestion for future posts.]