Instant Replay, part ii. Would a map help?

[THIS SPACE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK]

[WE'RE WATCHING]

If you enjoyed last weekend's two excellent runs (and who didn't - don't answer that question!) then you'll be thrilled to hear that the same hares will also be setting the runs this coming weekend. Remarkably, as well, having managed to select the same run site last weekend, this weekend they neatly straddle Poonakan Road at the 4.5k turn off just before Wat Tung Nai, although the mile or so that separates the run sites should produce two widely varying runs as they (presumably) head off in opposite directions.

Details are:

Songkhla Hash House Harriers run #1578, Saturday September 3rd, 4:30 p.m.

Hares: Sex Sprinter and Toy Boy (to whom big thanks for stepping in and saving us from another auto-pilot run)

Misdirections: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k. Turn left for 8k then right (at Wat Keow Kloy) for 4.5k then left for 900 meters to the run site on the right

Hatyai H3 run #547 at a guess, Sunday September 4th 4:30 p.m.

Hare: Sex Focus

Misdirections: See below, but if you're a person of habit just follow Saturday's directions and turn right off Poonakan at the 4.5k mark, then go 700 meters to the run site on the left.

Instant replay

HH3's entertainment this Sunday will feature another run built of off-the-shelf parts by Sex Focus, who like most people on this blog tends to refer to himself in the third person. Unlike last Saturday's rather perfunctory effort, this one promises to link up some of the more dramatic bits of recent beaverish runs in the area. It'll be one adrenaline-pumping flashback after another as you ask yourself once again, "Why am I doing this?"

Here, recycled from a run last October, are some preliminary misdirections, subject as always to re-interpretation by the Hare-raiser:

Misdirections: Take Old Hatyai Rd. 10km to the Nam Noi traffic lights. Go left for 3.5km, then right for 3.4km. Runsite on the right.

--ALTERNATIVE ROUTES --

Following the above misdirections, the runsite is 3.0km beyond the Thung Yai Aw Baw Taw. Alternatively, take Punnakan Rd. from Wat Khao Kloi for 4-5m, turn right on the Phru To-Thung Yai road, and go 700m to the runsite on the left. If coming from Hatyai (as some of the best people do), then take Punnakan Rd. for 5.7km, then go left 700m to the site. Or go by any route of your choice to coordinates N 07˚00.781 E 100˚32.404.

Redactio ad absurdam

In case you're wondering what's been redacted (whatever that means) from the post below, here it is. Let the truth by told!

(√h2 +v²)/1+e

As to Egghead's constant, it is indeed a variable, the value of which depends upon the length of the run in question (i.e. it is constant within the fixed framework of a run of given distance x, calculated according to the Beaver beta equation (as lifted from Pythagoras), √h2 +v², and is calculated according to the following formula:

e=((√h2 +v²)/6)-1.

Ok, ok, so it doesn't have the snappy, memorable ring to it that uncle Albert managed in his e-quation, but this one works! Unlike Albert's effort at a constant which he admitted was the greatest mistake of his life, and completely failed in its efforts to keep the universe the same size, the Egghead constantly variable run coefficient works for all non trivial run values and ensures that no run can ever possibly exceed 6 kilometers. Try it, I'm sure you'll agree that this is a major step forward in our effort to curb hares' enthusiasm, and I shall be proving the point this Saturday (as none of you other lazy b******s have stepped forward and volunteered ) when I shall be taking careful measurements which will prove conclusively that no run ever need be longer than 6 Kilometers again!

Beaverchuting

Rodent? That's such a cruel, hurtful word. "Amphibious mammal" is no doubt the term the previous post meant to use. And the "amphibious" part came in handy yesterday. By the time the hare got to the top of the hill it felt like there was more water up there than air. Fortunately things dried off by the time the rabble arrived, though it has to go down as the coldest hash of the year so far. The hot soup tasted better than the cold beer.

As promised, the length was exactly 6km, as calculated by the standard formula [FORMULA REDACTED BY OFFICIAL ORDER], where h and v are total horizontal and vertical distances in meters and e is Egghead's Constant, an unknown and unknowable number that in fact may be a variable. The lying GPS said 8.48km with a total ascent of 447 meters.

Groundhog weekend

Yaaaaawn.....

Saturday's SH3 run details are:

Songkhla Hash House Harriers run #1577, Saturday August 27th 2011, 4:30 p.m.

Hare: Groundhogshot

Misdirections: From the Ko Yo intersection, take the Old Hatyai road for 4.6k and turn left then go 6k and turn left at the crossroads, then go 1.8k and turn right for 350 meters to the run site by the sala on the left.

Sunday's (August 28, 2011, 4:30 p.m.) HH3 run is being set by Sex Printer and Toy Boy and there are a number of ways of getting to the run site:

If you are coming from Songkhla itself, you could take the old Yala road for 16k and turn right then go 7.5k then left for 350 meters to the run site on the left, or if you are coming from closer to the Ko Yo intersection, you could take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left then go 7k then turn left for 1.8k to the run site on the right; or you could even go 10k to the Nam Noi traffic lights then turn left for 7.8k then turn right for 350 meters to the run site on the left. In fact there are a large number of possible ways of getting to the run site, and that is just from Songkhla. There are probably an equally larger number of possibilities open to you if you are coming from Hatyai...

BUT whichever one you take, you will still end up at exactly the same place as you ended up at on Saturday, because beavers aside, this is Groundhog weekend when we get to run twice from the same runsite... in fact who knows how many times we are going to run, as we may just have to keep on doing it until we get it right, wasn't that the story?

But then would you trust a rodent?

Jungle Fever: The Remix

No, I can't compete with the bizarre genius of K.Y., so instead this Saturday you're going to get a remix of some old Greatest Hits. It starts from the sala where we met for last month's Full Moon Run-that-became-a-walk. Misdirections here, but no doubt our Trailmeister will soon repost them in his inimitable style. Gentle hills, delightful trails, and superb views guaranteed. And just 6km! Honest!*

*In the Egghead sense of the word.

Sticky end

Above is the sanitized version of Sticky's magnum opus from last Saturday. Below is a detail of the little bit at the top of the hill which show just how much work he had to put into getting us successfully to the beer stops. The GPS track looks like a cyber-spider on acid got into the program and all the extra bits while he searched for a half decent track amounted to about 2.5k in all on top of the 7k for the run which we eventually did (well most of us anyway) .

Sadly no track from yesterday's excellent Vaseline Scud run which all who did it agreed was a worthy contender for run of the millenium. Details of next week's Beaver run shortly, but how is he going to match that?

All hail the new king of hares!

Attack of the killer stick insect

Ok, Ok, so it's Friday morning and there are no misdirections AGAIN; and posts without pictures are a serious turnoff and Google Images is not coming up with much; or maybe I'm just not getting the cue right. But mutant stick insect seemed like a promising search, so this 'll have to do.

Anyway, Sticky has stepped forward and this week's run details are:

Songkhla Hash House Harriers run #1576, Saturday August 20th, 2011; 4:30 p.m.

Hare: Stick Insect

Misdirections: From the Kao Saeng intersection take the Hatyai road out of Songkhla for about 3.5k and turn left then go 500 meters to the run site at Wat Kaow Keow.

Sunday's HH3 run is being set by Scud and Vaseline, and if you doubt the influence wielded by the combined Hashes of Songkhla and Hatyai in world affairs, just try searching Google Images with the cue: Vaseline Scud!

Directions are:

(From Songkhla) From the Ko Yo Intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left for 8k, then turn left just beyond Wat Keow Kloy and follow the track for about 1k to the run site.

From Hatyai, the smart money is on going to the Nam Noi traffic lights and turning right then going 6k and turning right at the crossroads at Ban Tha Kam for 2k then left just after Wat Keow Kloy. The alternative is going all the way up Th. Poonakan and turning right at the top then immediately left, but bear in mind that Sunday is the last day of the Mor Or fair so the section of Poonakan near the uni. is likely to be traffic carnage.

5k by the light of the silvery moon

25k? Scandalous!

So just to reassure you, this week's full moon run which will take place on Wednesday will be a modest 5k; honest!

Details are:

Hatyai Full Moon Hash run #77 or thereabouts. Wednesday, August 17th, 7:00 p.m.

Hare: Kai Jeow

Misdirections: From Songkhla, take the Old Hatyai road for 4.7k beyond the Ko Yo intersection and turn left for about 4k then left for 1k to the run site which will be at the end of the immaculate new tarmac section of what was formerly a pleasant and gentle track through the rubber but is now a three lane highway to nowhere.

(From Hatyai, turn right at Kuan Hin Mai/Wat Nern Salai and go 4k etc.)

All the usual stuff applies: Bring beer to share or rely on the copious supplies of full moon ale (3 cans for 100 Baht) which by special request of Knackerwurst will include a case of Tiger (but perversely may not include any Leo, so if you are really Chang/Tigerphobic bring your own!)

Contributions of food always welcome and if you don't want to trust to the light of the silvery moon bring a handlight or one of those miners' lamp thingies. Oh, and there will be a zimmer frame-able short run available for the pediatricly challenged, so Yardo, there's no real excuse for not coming along to keep us all amused!

No announcement yet about Songkhla Hash next week as we still don't have any hares, but no doubt there will be a flood of volunteers on Wednesday when details will be given out. Either that or start checking out what's on telly on Saturday afternoon!

A run with some geezers in Chonburi

So your correspondent today went out to run with Pattaya Bush H3, a monthly hash whose demographic pretty much resembles ours . . . maybe two guys under 40, most in their 50s, and a couple even older than Egghead, if you can imagine that. And of course they're mostly Pattaya pissheads, so what could you possibly expect of their run?

Well, how about 20 -- yes, 20 -- checks over 11+ kilometers? No bad, eh? But hang on, that was only the first half. After a brief water stop, it carried on for another 16 checks and roughly 14 more km. That made 25km in about 3 hours.

Now with our hills and our smaller numbers, we'd be crazy to try anything like that here. But it just goes to show what even old farts can accomplish if they set their half-minds to it. Something to keep in mind the next time a SH3/HH3 hare sets a 10km/90 min. run and we (and I include myself) start whingeing about how extreme it is . . . .

What? Gan Yao? Wo!

This week's hare is Gan Yao. Now in case you think the heading of this item indicates some incredulity or horror at this prospect or perhaps even a late sixties expression of delight, let me say straight away that I haven't the faintest idea what it means, or to be more precise I don't have the faintest idea what the Chinese heiroglyphics under the big friendly What! mean, although they undoubtedly transliterate into our familiar English alphabet (and let's have no quibbles about whose alphabet it is) as Gan Yao Wo.

So this week's SH3 run will forever hereafter be know as the, What? Gan Yao? Wo! run and we shall have to wait until it has run its course or to be more precise until we have run its course to establish which of the various possible meanings of that import laden phrase will prove to be apt.

Now to the directions. The hare has provided us with precise if unusually phrased details of how this week's run can be found, which read:

"From the Koh Yo intersection (where you set your trip meter for any Malaysians) go down the old Hat Yai road for 4.7km, turn left at the HHH sign. Zero your trip meter and go down this road, at about 7.8Km you will pass Wat Keow Kloy on your right at a junction. Go straight, and at 9.9 ish kilometres turn left"

Zero trip, persevere for 100mt and turn right, follow road left in another 100mt and follow the road, which turns to dirt (as in everything I touch!) for about 2 km through the estate. Hares Toyota Starship will be parked round the right turn."

For the benefit of those of us whose grasp of God's own language is less florid, the standard model details of the run will hereafter be forever expressed as:

Songkhla Hash House Harriers run #1575, Saturday August 13th, 2011: 4:30 p.m.

Hare: Gan Yao

Misdirections. From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left for 9.9k. Turn left and go right after 100 meters then left after another 100 meters and follow the road for about 2k to the run site near where the hare's pick-up will be parked.

Rumor has it that we may have some KL hashers joining us and that they and others will then be heading off to help Bi Anal celebrate his sixtieth birthday. The hare, cogniscent of this has promised that the run will not unduly delay those lucky enough to have been invited to the festivities so don't let the promise of the evening's delights stop you from coming... to the hash.

Sunday's (August 14th 2011; 4:30 p.m.) HH3 run will be set from the Or Bor Tor office at Tungyai (old Hatyai road, 10k, left 3.5k, right 500 meters) and the hares are Sex Star and Sex Ao Ao. The afternoon will feature democracy in action as all in attendance are asked to vote on how HH3 will celebrate it's 555 run at the end of October. Now, doesn't that ring a bell? Celebrate? Special run? End of October?

Nah!

Shock! Horror! as Thaksin, Cambodia attack hash

The hashing world was stunned this week at the news that last Saturday's run was sabotaged by fugitive ex Prime Minister, Thaksin Shinawatra who reportedly employed a gang of drug crazed Cambodian commandos, posing as innocent drunken rubber workers to remove vast amounts of paper from Saturday's run, causing the pack to wander round in a state later described as stunned confusion. A spokesman for SH3 described attempts to downplay the situation as grossly exaggerated and denied that the pack were simply unable to follow the trail when it didn't go where they expected it to. "These are experienced and seasoned hashers we are talking about here," he said "not a bunch of mindless jerks suffering from delusions of athleticism." A spokesperson for the hares later commented "Woof woof woof bunch woof woof mindless woof woof jerks woof woof woof about fuggin' right woof woof!"

Outstation overkill and even more pussies!

Here, for those who enjoy this sort of thing, is a visual record of last week's outstation run in which the hares made full use of the available countryside to the point of overkill! Future organizers of outstation runs please note: It's nice to go somewhere where we can run a bit as well as do all the other things we packed into the weekend! But generally the response to last week's trip has been to ask when we can do it all again so probably the lack of an outstanding run wasn't too much of a problem.

Stop press:

Tomorrows hares at the latest count are: After Ours, Crackwurst, Only a Yolk, Meals on Wheels, Temporary Relief, Softdog, Korean Barbecue, Illegal Beagle, White Meat, Harram, Pink Floyd and Puy. Could this finally be the week when we have more hares than hounds? Come along and prevent it happening (or be there and be able to boast to your grandchildren about it!)

More Satun outstation pix

Now that's a relief . . .

Whew . . . I was beginning to get concerned about our next run. And when I get concerned, strange things come out of the photo archive.

BTW, Handjob claims no knowledge of or interest in setting Saturday's run, so I guess she's out. If anybody with more patience than me could kindly explain to her why her life is hopelessly impoverished without the hash, or at least the food it serves every Saturday, then please talk to her. I've tried . . . .

You can never get enough pussy!

Our ladies are puckering up again for your delight this weekend and will be out early on Saturday morning with no intention other than to completely fulfill all your worst nightm.... errr fantasies... of the running kind! Details are:

Songkhla Hash House Harriers run #1574: Saturday, August 6th 2011, 4:30 p.m.

Hares: Crackwurst, After Ours, Only a Yolk, Meals on Wheels and Handjob

Misdirections: from the Kao Saeng intersection take the old Yala road for 4.3k and turn right for 1.2k to the run site close to the reservoir behind the Gor Sor Nor.

Sunday's HH3 run which will quite definitely and without a shadow of a doubt take place this week is down Poonakan way again: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left for 8k then right at Wat Keow Kloy for 5k then turn left just before Wat Tungnai and go about 1k to the run site on the left. The hares are Sex Printer and Toy Boy and the fun starts sometime after 4:00 p.m.but probably not as late as 4:30.