A Happy New Year!

Tomorrow's joint HH3/SH3 run and party is at the Sai Kao Resort. Details are:

SH3 run #1595, Saturday, 31st December 2011: 4:00 p.m. 

Hares: Sex Sprinter, Laad Duang and Only a Yolk

Misdirections: From the Ko Yo Intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left for 6k then right for 4.5k. The resort is on the left. (Alternatively go 16k up the old Yala road, turn right at Wat Kun Thong, go 5k and the resort is on the right).

The price is 200 Baht (Kids free) and includes food, entertainment and beer etc. with the party following the run and ending when Palm Job can't stand up any more. There are some rooms at the resort one of which will be available for showering and other bodily necessities, the rest of which will be auctioned off during the evening, but it would probably be wise to take a sleeping bag and a tent if you intend to stay overnight. There will only be one run on Saturday which will not unduly tax your physical resources but a sense of humour would probably help. 

On Sunday morning there will be breakfast, and as long as there are takers, a hangover run which will start at the resort and end at Egg Towers where a light lunch (and more beer) will be provided. The run will also be 'light' and should be do-able by anyone who can still walk after breakfast. The start time is fluid but sometime between 10:30  and 11:30 a.m. is predicted. After lunch there will be transport provided back to the resort to collect cars, belongings and any stragglers who haven't made it home by that time.

After that.... it's a brand new year. Anyone still trying to think of a resolution? Unless you are the GM, Kii Leum, a pussy, an Egg, a dog, or Sex Sprinter or Buk Toy, let me suggest one: 

I MUST SET MORE RUNS IN 2012 THAN I DID IN 2011!!!!

I have an alibi!

Hatyai? Never heard of it... at least I've never heard of the Pink Lady... or wherever that place is that I'm supposed to be standing in front of, with my arm round Freehand... or whoever it's supposed to be. It's a paste job anyway, whoever it is, because she's in Udon Thani, or Ubon Ratchathani or Saskatchuan; certainly not in Hatyai.

Anyway, I have an alibi: Rotary Wanker, a man of impeccable character who will vouch for my whereabouts at the time in question, or at least a couple of days later, but that's good enough. Unfortunately he's in Phuket at the moment, which is where this picture was taken, but he is promising to be at our New Year's run next weekend as long as there is a direct flight to Hatyai (wherever that is) which he can catch to get here in time. Then I shall salvage my reputation and establish beyond any reasonable doubt that I was NOT lurking in front of a dodgy massage shop. 

Incidentally, Beaver's misquoting, because what I actually said was that I was waiting for a miracle - the transubstantiation of Peppered Pussy into the Virgin bleedin' Mary, Which was, as the picture below will establish, successfully performed, proving that where miraculous issues are concerned you are probably better off going to a dodgy massage shop than to a religious establishment.

The plot thickens

A re-creation of the shocking scene witnessed by a TOS reporter in downtown Hatyai yesterday afternoon.

Mystery over tomorrow's SH3 run deepened when a TOS correspondent discovered the supposedly absent "technical advisor" lurking in front of a seedy Hatyai massage parlor late yesterday afternoon. By way of explanation the flustered TA blurted out that he was "waiting for a virgin".


Location of the notorious massage parlor: Possible B site for tomorrow's run?

It has meanwhile come to light that a recent recce for the upcoming run, the latest in a series by loose-cannon hares Kii Leum and R2D2, employed not one but two GPS units, with additional processing power being supplied by what was described as a "supercomputer".

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a respected SH3 ex-GM refused to comment.

Technically vacant

This week's SH3 Christmas cracker is guaranteed  to give 100% full running satisfaction. Its distance will be neither too long nor too short and it will contain an adequate sufficiency of reasonably but not unduly hard checks. It will contain two heart-stopping views, at least one waterfall and several kilometers of shady trails in pleasantly verdant rubber and is certified free of shiggy, gratuitous or excessively steep hills, klongs or other un-jumpable water courses, mud, slime or other forms of liquified earth, 600 meter check-backs or false trails and sharp jags to the left or right. It will also be completely free of technical advisors, Mr. X's or other intrusive busy-bodies with GPS's interfering with the hares' freedom to express themselves through the medium of the trail.

Details of this paeon to perfection are:

Songkhla Hash House Harriers run #1593, Saturday 24th December 2011, 4:00 p.m.

Hares: R2D2 and Kii Leum

Misdirections: From the Kao Saeng intersection take the old Yala road for 17.5k and turn right after Tan Kwai School. Go 500 meters to the run site on the left opposite the canning factory.

Sunday's HH3 run is being set by Nichaow, and is to be found on the Prutoh-Tungnai road access to which can either be had via Poonakan Road (old Hatyai road 4.7k, left 8k, right 5.5k, turn right for about 1k) or from the Nam Noi traffic lights (old Hatyai road 10k turn left for 3.5k, turn right for about 2.5k).

At either run you will be able to reserve your place on the following weekend's joint SH3/HH3 New Year's extravaganza at the Sai Kao Resort: 200 Baht will get you all the running, food, beer and debauchery you can cope with.

Anatomy of a near fiasco

The Nam Noi area is a challenge to hares and runners at the best of times, and since the damage caused by the Big Storm of 2010, large parts of it are now totally impassable. Here are the combined tracks of the three recces I did for yesterday's run (click to enlarge). If you want to get yourself banned from SH3 haring for life, just try setting a run anywhere along the right edge of the tracks you see here. Those squiggly little lines don't come close to conveying how truly dreadful this country is now.

Staying further to the west, nearer the bottom of the hill, produced the run shown here. As usual the one last-minute bit of improvisation (the sharp jag to the left) was a mistake. But otherwise it seemed to work OK. You probably wouldn't want to try to set an A-t0-A from the runsite we used, though it's certainly a nice site and deserves a revisit someday.

Stats: 7.5km to the beer stop, then 1.5km more back to the A site. Total ascent was just over 500m. First in to the beer stop in 1:20 was Sex Sprinter, followed by Egghead and Solong. Last in on paper were Khii Leum at about 1:45 and Softcock at just under two hours. Shortcutters were Gan Yao (who arrived back at the site suspiciously quickly -- was a vehicle involved?) and Only a Yolk, who Egghead rushed off to rescue when he realized she had half of his team of dogs with her.

Damage!

Tomorrow's runsite showing details of the suggested parking technique

Beaver's keeping the precise location of tomorrow's runsite a closely guarded secret but insider information from Mr. X suggests that he is wavering between the competing attractions of education and religion. So the smart money is on slowing down and looking right as you get to Nam Noi School but not being too surprised if the sign doesn't actually materialize until the end of the school wall and you are directed into the wat.

Approximate details are:

SH3 run # 1593, Saturday, December 17th 2011, 4:00 p.m.

Hares: Beavershot and Yard Mr. X

Misdirections: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for about 10k and look for the sign on the right around Nam Noi School.

Sunday's HH3 run is a Songkhla-friendly affair at Wat Keow Geow. Not sure who the hares are - if you don't ask, you don't need to know! It should be a 4:00 p.m. kick off, but that depends on how fast you have to travel to get there! 

Red faces at panto spelling mistake

Press Association, Friday December 16 2011

Theatre staff were left red faced after the letter T was missed out from Widow Twankey's name in their Christmas pantomime programme.

The mistake at the Whitley Bay Playhouse in North Tyneside was blamed on human error and has been corrected.

The misprinted programme was withdrawn and an apology made to theatre goers.

All-weather hashing

October in Songkhla . . .




















. . . December in England.

And we thought we were fanatics.

Beaver bites off more than he can chew?

After two utterly disastrous recces, Saturday's run is beginning to look like a replay of last week's, plus another couple hundred meters of ascent and, no doubt, some good hard pouring rain. All the elements are there: a hill that has changed beyond recognition since last year's big storm, some old GPS tracks that are worse than useless, and no time for proper scouting. You've got to be out of your mind to come on this one.

It'll start at Nam Noi, either the wat or the school, depending on where the best minds of SH3 decide is the optimal location. It'll be done with the assistance of a hash personage I can now only refer to as Mr. X. If things go terribly wrong, blame him. Or the GPS. Or Egghead. Yeah, Egghead, it's all his fault!

Why didn't they do that?

Last Saturdays truncated run in red.

What's the white track? Well that's the technical advisory route which the hares were technically advised to follow. Can't have been too difficult 'cos Sex Printer and the technical advisor found their way up the hill without the technical advisory equipment and Yardo used the track in his last lay before his meeting with the bollard. Ah well.... we will no doubt end up doing the white track at some time in the future; these things have a way of coming back to haunt us.

Sadly no track of last Sunday's excellent, if challenging HH3 outing as Sex Star is GPS-phobic.

Details of this weekend's entertainment to follow but rumor has it that it's a changing places weekend with SH3 almost in Hatyai at Nam Noi, and HH3 at Wat Keow Geow in Songkhla. Beaver: Over to you.

How did they do that?

Easy! Give Kii Leum the GPS; pretend that he is in control; lay the paper where it had already been worked out during the recce. Moral, one good recce beats the sh*t out of the GPS.

So On! On! to SH3. When Kii Leum will have the GPS and will believe that he is in control, but the paper will just get laid according to the recce.

What do you mean there was no recce.....?

Ah well that's hashing!

A new hash HQ?

Dr. Egghead expounds on the feasibility of using the Large Hadron Collider to confirm the existence of black p-branes, as posited under string theory.

Ever since the decline and then demise of the Parlang Bar some years ago, Songkhla Hash has been without a real home of its own. The Hot Bread Shop kindly lets us park our signs and other paraphernalia on their premises, but closes too early to be of any use as an after-hours meeting place. Nominally taking up this role recently has been Daeng's Bar, partly because they're willing to turn down the music when we arrive, partly because it's just respectable enough that Egghead will actually go their without complaint.

Now however we may finally have something closer to a real Songkhla HQ. The newly opened Bai Meang, on Sadao Rd. across the street from the governor's mansion, seems to offer everything we need all in one place: pleasant outdoor seating, good food (both Vietnamese and Rocky's Indian), and cold beer.
Professor Stick, thinking he has been called a "pea brain", fashions a carefully considered response.

And so several key members of the SH3 Brain Trust met last night to see if the new venue would pass muster. Our unanimous opinion was positive, with particular praise for the cheapness of the beer. Indeed, the only concern was that Bai Meang already seems to be attracting large numbers of that pale, subterranean species known as "English Teachers". But of course we can co-exist with them -- Egghead himself is living proof that the two poles of rude manly vigor and pencil-neck intellectual geekiness can co-exist within a single entity -- and we might even be able to exert a positive influence.

New breakthrough in direction-giving

Stung into action by yet another professionally produced and true-to-scale map from HH3, SH3 brings you a new era in clear easy to follow directions, the peelable map. Just click one and a half times on the image and it will magically become stuck onto your screen thingy from where you can conveniently detach it and lose it in time for the run on Saturday.

But just in case you are not yet fully conversant with the technology, here anyway are the run details:

SH3 run #1582, Saturday December 10 2011, 4:00 p.m.

Hares: Kii Leum and R2D2

Misdirections: From the Ko Yo Intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4.7k and turn left for 8k then turn left just after Wat Keow Kloy and follow the road for about 400 meters then look for a sign or some paper to guide you to the run site.

Now for that embarrassing map from HH3

Details for the graphically incompetant are: follow the directions for Saturday, but turn right at Wat Keow Kloy into Poonakan, then go 5.5k and turn left, then go about 1.5k and turn left and look for a living monk. Start time should be 4:00 p.m. but don't count on it!

Finally, don't forget tomorrow night's full moon run (Friday December 9th, 7:00 p.m., details below) Kii Leum is now confirmed as a hare too for that one and will be in control of the GPS so expect a very unusual run!

Probably the last full moon run of 2011

Unless Mummy relents and allows HFMH3 a piece of the New Year's Eve action, the last full moon run of 2011 will take place this coming Friday at 7:00 p.m. The hares are Egghead and probably Kii Leum as long as a) his foot's all better, b) he's got time, as he's the hare on Saturday and c) he hasn't forgotten.

The run site will be: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 4k and turn left then go 5.2k and turn left then go 500m to the big sala on the left.

Usual stuff applies: Bring a hand light if you want to stretch your legs (and there will be a short run as well as a long run this time around). Beer will be on sale at 100 Baht for 3 cans, but if you want to bring your own along to share with yer mates there'll be a communal ice box provided, and contributions of food are always welcome, which can be raw if you want as the BBQ will be on hand to grill it to a crisp.

Saturday's SH3 run and HH3's offering on Sunday are still in the melting pot so watch this space for details.

Last week - this week -next year

Last week's ad-hoc collection of hares managed (if I say so in all modesty) to produce a pretty good SH3 run last Saturday, although some alleged confusion with trails lead to one or two of our directionally challenged runners not being able to work out the location of the run site at the end.

Sunday's HH3 run exists only in memory; although Off T did carry his GPS round, he sensibly short cut so avoided most of the pain. All runs are good, but some are less good than others. This was one of those. Apart from a 10 minute section at the end on the way back to the runsite, when we did what we are supposed to do and actually ran in the jungle, the main features of the run consisted of being directed down spurious false trails and check backs by the hare followed by a tortuous steep ascent through unpleasant shiggy culminating at the road which we then duly ran back down past the pack of semi-evolved wolves guarding the stainless steel chedi atop Khao Ko Hong (which Kii Leum asserts is an alien spacecraft cunningly disguised but conveniently located to rescue adherents of 'the book' when the rapture occurs and whisk them off to somewhere where they can still drink beer, and sit around and say 'I told you so!') Nice try, chaps but don't do it again!

This week, in contrast, we will be treated to two runs by the same hares, which is a reflection of the general shortage of willing hares at the moment. Details are:

SH3 run # 1591, Saturday, December 5th 2011: 4:00 p.m.

Hares: Sex Sprinter and Palm Job

Misdirections: From the Ko Yo intersection take the old Hatyai road for 6.5k and turn right next to the CP Foods factory, then go 1k to the run site on the right.

HH3 on Sunday will also be set by Sex Printer and Scud and the run site will be 11.5k down the old Hatyai road on the left. The starting time should be 4:00 p.m.

Finally, HH3 are already advertising a New Years' Eve party at the Sai Kao Resort on 31st December. As NYE is a Saturday SH3 are desperately trying to get the event billed as a joint run so that we don't have the embarrassment of conflicting with our big daughter. The outcome of the delicate negotiations will no doubt be announced this Saturday, but the gist seems to be that the SH3 run that day will be from Sai Kao Resort and will probably be a torchlight run which will meld seamlessly with a NYE party featuring food, beer and entertainment including the latest version of the dancing pussies. There will be some accommodation available at the resort or a camp over for the hard up or slow-to-book. Sunday morning will feature recriminations, hangovers, unhealthy breakfasts and if it can be organised a run to dispel all of them and to restore faith in the wisdom of embarking on 2012 at all.